[CW Abuse/bullying, stalking, suicide attempt, emeto, generally this is fucked up sorry montie! : D and sorry to everyone too]
Vinzent looked at Abel, waiting for him to talk. He was reassured at the back rubbing, it was comforting.
Abel Lazarus “I think I just needed proof to exist, I guess.”
“…” Vinzent almost wanted to say that Abel’s presence alone was enough proof. But he knew that it was just words. He still thought that Abel deserves more than just existing. Existing without having any love is… Horrible. Lonely. Draining.
… Maybe.
“I think you being you, and being here with me, is more than enough proof that you exist. I… I can’t put in better words but, I’m happy that you’re here, that you’re around. We could have never met and yet… We did, and here we are.”
He doesn’t add more, but he hoped Abel would come to understand that he is loved. He is looked after. People want him to be okay, and Vinzent is one of them.
At the topic Vinzent himself brought up, he wasn’t surprised that Abel hadn’t talked much. But the offer… Might as well tell him everything. The more he thought about it, the more Vinzent realized that it was quite fucked up.
“… Yeah, well. Essentially, I was picked on since early highschool for my hobbies. I always liked to pursue artistic stuff, and the school I’ve gone to, well. It has that, but the fundings mostly go to the sports. So there’s been mostly athletic people. Sure, whatever. But… They’ve not taken kindly to people who aren’t up for some roughness.”
A pause.
“I… I’m one of them, I don’t know why but, I’ve never liked going agressive with people. It just… Felt wrong. So I mostly kept to myself. Then, when I was uhh… Thirteen, fourteen? It’s where shit has started to go to hell. There were a bunch of people picking on me, but… Paul-”
A glint of anger in that tone.
“That asshole. He was obsessed with pissing me off and leading this whole thing to make me miserable. Y’know at first, he’d spew insults to try to get under my skin, but… He then stole my lunch and ate it all in front or me. Or… He’d take my art tools and make it mostly unusuable. Or he’d follow me with his friends to scare me in thinking I was gonna get attacked or something like that. It… Got to me, I was mad enough at this bullshit that I snapped and fought back, which is what they wanted. But, I was not good at fighting, because Paul knew exactly how I’d react so he’d happily ‘give me a lesson.’ When I… Tried to report what was happening to me, I was brushed off. So defending myself ended up being my only option.”
…
“And he. Really enjoyed stealing my lunch, I tried to find ways to get him to stop, bringing nothing, not even money so he can’t steal it… I was not without a bruise or two. Sometimes many. Hell, even some days I was brutalized just like that, until I’d vomit, and being filmed puking in the school’s bathroom, even if I didn’t eat anything.”
A sigh.
“… Eventually. I found out why he went unpunished for this long, this fucker had a dad who was the mayor of the town we used to reside in. And Paul was encouraged to be cruel to me. Whatmore, this mayor deliberately tried to intimidate my family in not denouncing shit, just to protect his son’s reputation, with help from the cops at his side who’d rather suffocate the case than dealing with it.”
He took a pause, long enough to try to put his words together.
“… I think this…” Along with the tape he remembered… “Was my breaking point. I was tired of shit happening to me just for existing, and I didn’t want to inflict it on other people I love. So I thought… Swallowing a bottle of pills was the best solution. But…”
Vinzent looked up at Abel.
“… Yeah. I live instead. I feel so bad for causing pain to people I care. But. Paul got his comeuppance and everyone went against the mayor who resigned. While nothing has magically fixed in one day, I saw that some things had improved when I got out of the hospital. But, uh…”
He wasn’t crying but, his voice was full of guilt, and it could break anytime.
“I still feel stupid for… Wanting to die, but… I think I was tired. I just wanted it to end. And I saw death as the only solution at the time. I… Really don’t want to experience the wanting to die again. It’s horrible… And I don’t want to live through this hell ever again.”
Boy, did he really just dumped his whole miserable part of his backstory onto Abel. But… Why, despite his voice breaking, did Vinzent feel a little lighter? Was it foolish to say everything this personal to Abel? Was it because he didn’t before? And he wanted to make up for listening to Abel’s messed up bits of his own story?
“… I’m sorry for talking so much.”
He realized that he should say thank you for listening to me instead, but… That was considerably a lot to listen. So, back to quietness, he hid his face in Abel’s shirt, still feeling guilty about that.
