Lifting Assurance | Vinzent + Abel | Mirror Mines Car

Abel Lazarus

Cw: References to animal death

Vinzent Mayer You aren’t helping at all. You dick.”

He snorts. Clearly he wasn’t trying to be all that helpful. He’s more so delighted he’s able to give him such a hard time. If he also made him a little less pathetic? Well he’d consider it a win but it wouldn’t be a loss if he failed!

Vinzent Mayer “Truthfully, it shouldn’t be used as a weapon. But I guess some people decided it was a good idea to procure some knife! So… Hah. If it really comes to this. To being cornered. I will… Maybe. Use it as last resort.”

The new quality to Sol’s smile is… Hard to explain. Glee certainly- but there’s an unstable quality to it.

He has a weapon? Oh Sol knows what he’d Like to have happen here. If he could convince Vinzent to kill Viper… If he could convince him to take out both people Abel cares about- he might inevitably win here. Sure he’ll get mopey but he’ll have to get stronger, right? He’ll have to be more like him. To avoid this happening again. He’ll have to change and he’ll no longer be so focused on whatever weak changes he’s making.

Even if he doesn’t change, though, he deserves to be punished for what he’s put Sol through, right? His entire life will be Abel’s choices, not his own- he might as well let Abel know he’s pathetic in a way he’ll feel Forever.

It’s payback.

Vinzent Mayer “Otherwise, might as well stare death in the face.”

“Don’t do that!” He laughs. “Kill the snake! Can’t you tell that’s the obvious answer here? How can she torment you if she’s dead? How could she poison him? She’s so dangerous to know things about… shouldn’t that mean knowing things about her is dangerous? Being close to her is dangerous? Come on! If you want to protect him so badly- Kill. The. Snake.”

Viper has made Sol feel even more powerless. He doesn’t even get Abel’s moments of violence as often. The Chance to feel like a choice he would make has been made. A brief moment where he can believe he has autonomy. With her gone… He’d have to go back, right?

“Worthless little snake she is, take her out before she has the chance to take him out. To take you out. Play to your strengths. She’ll have to sleep eventually.” He presses his fingers against the glass like he’s trying his hardest to get through. “Or skip the cowardice. Her actions will get The Jackal killed, won’t they? How long until she does this to him? She liked The Jackal too.” He’s not sure he wanted Jack to be a Jackal in his whole… Schtick but he didn’t have the time to think through his pick and this was an easy connection to make, alright?

“Don’t just let yourself get bulldozed over again! Remove The Problem. Kill. The. Snake.”

Vinzent Mayer

CW: References to animal death cont.

Abel Lazarus He snorts. Clearly he wasn’t trying to be all that helpful. He’s more so delighted he’s able to give him such a hard time. If he also made him a little less pathetic? Well he’d consider it a win but it wouldn’t be a loss if he failed!

Hard to say if Vinzent was more or less pathetic than earlier. But he was… Angry.

He doesn’t know what Sol was thinking… Until…

Abel Lazarus “Don’t do that!” He laughs. “Kill the snake! Can’t you tell that’s the obvious answer here? How can she torment you if she’s dead? How could she poison him? She’s so dangerous to know things about… shouldn’t that mean knowing things about her is dangerous? Being close to her is dangerous? Come on! If you want to protect him so badly- Kill. The. Snake.”

It… Feels… Wrong. But… So right. If he just takes her out of the equation… Abel will be okay.

~~HE KNOWS IT’S NOT OKAY~~

But… But… It feels so…

Tempting.

Abel Lazarus “Worthless little snake she is, take her out before she has the chance to take him out. To take you out. Play to your strengths. She’ll have to sleep eventually.” He presses his fingers against the glass like he’s trying his hardest to get through. “Or skip the cowardice. Her actions will get The Jackal killed, won’t they? How long until she does this to him? She liked The Jackal too.” He’s not sure he wanted Jack to be a Jackal in his whole… Schtick but he didn’t have the time to think through his pick and this was an easy connection to make, alright?

“Don’t just let yourself get bulldozed over again! Remove The Problem. Kill. The. Snake.”

He snaps his head toward the reflection.

Jackal. Jack. Jagal.

Him.

Kill… The snake…

If Viper didn’t do everything she did, would they all be okay? If Viper didn’t exist… Would things get so different? Better? Worse?

What did she give to Vinzent?

… He isn’t sure.

Is killing her really the best course of action?

“The…”

He doesn’t. Want to do this. But he’s… Clearly thinking. Simmering. It’s so… Tempting, again. Tempting to run in the flames of his own destruction, of his long series of mistakes.

Burn everything so there’s nothing left.

Burn everything but Abel. He deserves so much better. A second chance.

“…”

A long bout of silence… Then…

“Fine.”

Stabbing her…. Can’t be this bad. She’ll understand finally. That she has gone too far.

~~dont do it dont do it dont do it dont do it~~

~~DON’T DO IT.~~

He looks at his screwdriver for a time. Is it sharp enough? Will it give a quick death if he just… Aims it right?

~~you’re making a mistake, you’re going to regret this~~

He’s still staring… At his personal weapon. (It’s not supposed to be.) He still can do that.

…

It’s not too late for Abel to intervene. To put a stop to this growing nonsense…

Before it’s too late.

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer “Fine.”

It’s strange how he keeps finding himself able to grin wider. He could win. Finally.

“It wouldn’t take too much force if you aim it right. She might even go quickly if you aim for the right spot.” He taps the glass to point towards Vinzent’s neck. Giving him just a small hint.

“Then it’ll all be taken care of. You could really do something good for once. Come on, Vinzent.” Oh see! He does know his name! “Take the power back into your hands.”

Movement just out of Sol’s line of sight makes him look over again. For a moment he seems to consider their intruder before he spots something identifying enough about who it is to decide leaving is better than staying.

“You’ll make the right choice, right?” And he disappears.

A moment later Abel makes his appearance. He doesn’t seem to know what’s gone down here- but he stalls in his walking as he notices what Vinzent is holding.

“… Vinzent?” He approaches slowly, unsure what’s happening exactly. What he might be planning to do. It’s not that he thinks he is in danger- but he’d rather know what’s happening before he risks startling him. “Are… Are you okay?”

He seems… Upset. Emotional. Has he… missed something? He looks around like he expects to see someone- but he can’t make much out other than small movements. “… What’s going on?”

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus “It wouldn’t take too much force if you aim it right. She might even go quickly if you aim for the right spot.” He taps the glass to point towards Vinzent’s neck. Giving him just a small hint.

The neck… It’s the easiest to aim, in general. It’s the easiest to snuff life out if he touches the right spot. Anything else? That’d take a better aim, one he isn’t good at.

Abel Lazarus “Then it’ll all be taken care of. You could really do something good for once. Come on, Vinzent.” Oh see! He does know his name! “Take the power back into your hands.”

Movement just out of Sol’s line of sight makes him look over again. For a moment he seems to consider their intruder before he spots something identifying enough about who it is to decide leaving is better than staying.

“You’ll make the right choice, right?” And he disappears.

Good for once… He had heard his own name. But this… Take the power back in his own hands…

Vinzent kept staring at his screwdriver, turning it and touching the metal part, even as Sol disappeared.

He could.

He very much could-

Abel Lazarus “… Vinzent?” He approaches slowly, unsure what’s happening exactly. What he might be planning to do. It’s not that he thinks he is in danger- but he’d rather know what’s happening before he risks startling him. “Are… Are you okay?”

A familiar, much gentler voice, one that Vinzent always liked. Is he okay…?

… No. He wants to… He needs to…

Shed blood.

Abel Lazarus “… What’s going on?”

What’s going on, indeed.

“I… I’m… She’s a fucking danger… She has a knife… So if… I use this to shut her up…”

Hey, buddy??? He is still staring at his screwdriver, at the metal part. If he’d sharpen it a bit more…

“Maybe… I can finally mean something, instead of crying in hiding. Of not being able to protect you. Maybe this will teach her to not fuck around anymore. To not treat me like garbage anymore.”

What.

Abel, as a narrator of this post, I am Sorry of Asking you to Do Something-

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer “I… I’m… She’s a fucking danger… She has a knife… So if… I use this to shut her up…”

Hey, buddy??? He is still staring at his screwdriver, at the metal part. If he’d sharpen it a bit more…

“Maybe… I can finally mean something, instead of crying in hiding. Of not being able to protect you. Maybe this will teach her to not fuck around anymore. To not treat me like garbage anymore.”

Huh?

The way this so radically surprises Abel stops him where he is. What?

What.

He blinks. Looks around like he thinks he’s about to be punk’d or something. This isn’t… There’s No way right? Vinzent thinking about killing? What?

Even beyond that- Thinking about killing… Viper? Thinking Abel would… Appreciate that idea?

He takes a slow step towards Vinzent and gently but firmly wraps his hand around the screwdriver. After a moment he attempts to remove it from Vinzent’s hand.

“Hey.” He’s using the soft voice again- mostly because… Well he just wouldn’t know what else to do here. “Lets… Talk about this. Okay? Let’s not… Do that.” He eyes his jacket around Vinzent still- and he hopes with everything in him he didn’t leave either knife he has on him in the pockets. “Give me the screwdriver, okay? Let’s talk this over.”

This. This is. He doesn’t like this. He feels very unsure how to help. Even more than he usually would.

Maybe he’d know what to do for Viper- Maybe But at the same time- that’s only because he would… Maybe expect this a little more? If it were her? What does he… do?

“She isn’t going to hurt anyone, Vinzent. She won’t hurt any of us. She doesn’t want anyone to die.”

He feels. Completely out of his depths. In a way that causes panic to flutter in his throat. “Let’s just talk about this, okay?”

Vinzent Mayer

[self hatred cw]

Abel Lazarus He blinks. Looks around like he thinks he’s about to be punk’d or something. This isn’t… There’s No way right? Vinzent thinking about killing? What?

Unfortunately, at this moment? Yes! He is. Wildly enough.

Abel Lazarus He takes a slow step towards Vinzent and gently but firmly wraps his hand around the screwdriver. After a moment he attempts to remove it from Vinzent’s hand.

Vinzent’s grip on it loosens a bit, but not quite.

Abel Lazarus “Hey.” He’s using the soft voice again- mostly because… Well he just wouldn’t know what else to do here. “Lets… Talk about this. Okay? Let’s not… Do that.” He eyes his jacket around Vinzent still- and he hopes with everything in him he didn’t leave either knife he has on him in the pockets. “Give me the screwdriver, okay? Let’s talk this over.”

It loosens more, Abel could keep it temporarily if he wants. Vinzent… He’s listening. That voice is soothing. Comforting. It makes him feel safe. This is Abel, the man Vinzent really likes. Not… An illusion or something. The real man.

And yet, Vinzent is unsure what to do. He’s been so… Deep in his anger and revenge ideas that he has forgotten who he was really. A scared man who, really, wants to protect. And killing? Never in his books. Usually.

“I…”

Abel Lazarus “She isn’t going to hurt anyone, Vinzent. She won’t hurt any of us. She doesn’t want anyone to die.”

A part of him wants to protest, what is there that Abel didn’t see? The strangulation attempt back in the daycare car? Did he forget about it? It felt not right. If she truly didn’t want anyone to die… Why is she holding on that fucking knife then?

Abel Lazarus He feels. Completely out of his depths. In a way that causes panic to flutter in his throat. “Let’s just talk about this, okay?”

Tears welled up in his eyes. Then, it falls. It keeps falling, his breathing becomes much harder to maintain. He squeezes his eyes shut. He… Wants…

He wants…

His jacket wasn’t enough, Vinzent wants Abel to stay.

Then slowly, when he was able to talk again… Even as it was difficult…

“I… Your…. Reflection… Was… Not you but it… Looked like you. It… That man… Told me… To take the power back… Because I felt… So powerless, when… Viper… Keeps… Doing things without any consequences…”

He knows it’s not true. She has started to get consequences. But right now, he’s too emotional to even think rationally.

“I just… Wanted her to understand that… She has gone too far too many times… That she needs to shut her mouth for once… For good… But.. But…”

Killing… It… Dawned on him how far down his thoughts have sunk. To the horrors, ones that he usually would never touch.

“I’m….. Not… Better… I’ll never be better. I’ll never win, she has everything to justify her shit. I have nothing. I can’t do shit without being treated like trash.”

A breath.

“I… Just…”

More and more tears fall, he’s hardly keeping it together anymore.

“All I wanted… Was to be sure you’re safe. I just hate. Feeling powerless. Hate being in the shadows. Hate not being able to talk without fearing it. I hate. I hate myself! I hate that I thought that it was… The best. Thing in the moment. I hate that I wished her dead. For everything she’s done to me.”

I don’t want her to die.

“I’m sorry… I’m slowly becoming something of a monster, I think…”

Soon, it progressed to wailing. At this point he stopped talking, deciding to hide his face in his hands. Abel is going to be disappointed in him, won’t he? He’s going to leave him, to end the friendship for good, won’t he?

No matter how many sorries he utters, Vinzent felt that he didn’t deserve Abel’s care now. Or anything ever.

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer It loosens more, Abel could keep it temporarily if he wants.

He makes sure to take it and put it out of grasp.

Vinzent Mayer “I… Your…. Reflection… Was… Not you but it… Looked like you. It… That man… Told me… To take the power back… Because I felt… So powerless, when… Viper… Keeps… Doing things without any consequences…”

… What? Okay he doesn’t want to accuse Vinzent of hallucinating but at the same time he’s… He can’t… He…

Someone who… Looks like him? His reflection? What? A glance at the place Sol had been reflected earlier showed emptiness- but that only reassures him for a second before he realizes that he should be able to see his reflection- Right?

He looks down at the face of the watch on his wrist- which is equally bare. What…

Vinzent Mayer “I’m….. Not… Better… I’ll never be better. I’ll never win, she has everything to justify her shit. I have nothing. I can’t do shit without being treated like trash.”

“Vinzent.” His voice is a little firmer now. “She isn’t Justified- She’s just scared.” He’s trying to navigate this without being able to explain. “You need to let her be. She doesn’t want to hurt you but she’s scared. The way you are now. You need to let it go before you do something you Will Regret.”

He feels. Unsure how to continue. Honestly he wishes Vinzent had listened when he told him to just ignore Viper two cars ago. She isn’t right but Vinzent’s continued digging isn’t right Either. They’re both continuously hurting each other- hitting the other in the worst spots and not seeing what they’re doing to contribute to the Problem- and Abel wishes for just a moment either of them cared enough for Him to just Fucking Ignore each other.

But then he realizes how selfish it is to think that and he finds himself just unsure where to go from here.

Vinzent Mayer “I’m sorry… I’m slowly becoming something of a monster, I think…”

“You’re not a monster.” His voice is just soft again. “You’re just… Lashing out because you’re scared.”

He gets that their reactive chain- Their back and forth of hurting each other then lashing out and not properly explaining what’s going wrong is a Problem. He’s just so far beyond the point he even knows how to fix it. If Viper didn’t fear Vinzent she wouldn’t be triggering him. If Vinzent didn’t fear Viper he wouldn’t be triggering her.

What… Was the point of this? Cain would know how to fix this, wouldn’t he? He’d know what to do. He always knew what to do. He was the one who had friends.

Why does Abel think he can do this? Why does he convince himself he’s helping either of them? Vinzent doesn’t get what he keeps trying to explain. Viper doesn’t get that Vinzent isn’t trying to keep setting her off. It isn’t fair to either of them.

He wants to cry. To sit on the floor and sob and scream and process just how scared he is of the idea there’s someone who looks just Like Him going around convincing people to murder. That people are going to keep dying in this damn game. That he doesn’t even know how to begin helping Viper enough to even Get to talk to her about the problems at hand. Because it just can’t be fair to try to solve it while she’s Grieving, right?

But he doesn’t yet. He just holds onto Vinzent. He pretends he doesn’t feel half as helpless as he is. He doesn’t know how to comfort Viper or Vinzent. He doesn’t know how to do anything.

Except a job he’s far away from.

He’s tired of this.

“You don’t want to hurt people, Vinzent. Don’t hurt people. That’s not better. It’s never felt Better to hurt someone. It’s always just felt like… Like a hollow feeling. Wishing more than anything you can take it back. You aren’t going to feel accomplished or safe because you killed her.” His voice catches on killed. “And.” His voice breaks. “Then I’ll just lose both of you.”

“I’m trying.” It’s desperate. It doesn’t seem he’s holding his emotions in as well as he used to.

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus He makes sure to take it and put it out of grasp.

Off it goes. For now.

Abel Lazarus “Vinzent.” His voice is a little firmer now. “She isn’t Justified- She’s just scared.” He’s trying to navigate this without being able to explain. “You need to let her be. She doesn’t want to hurt you but she’s scared. The way you are now. You need to let it go before you do something you Will Regret.”

Vinzent wishes he could. Just keep it in his mind. Abel’s right. But… Somewhere, in his stupidly stubborn brain, he felt that… She did things because she wanted to, not because she is scared.

God, shut that part of the brain right now. Stop seeking revenge. For once. You’ll regret this, really.

… He should have pretended she doesn’t exist but… How easy is it when she’s really close to Abel? When he can’t see her without Abel nearby? When she’s so… Present. And Vinzent is simply becoming a shadow. Again.

“…”

Abel Lazarus “You’re not a monster.” His voice is just soft again. “You’re just… Lashing out because you’re scared.”

The wailing didn’t stop, but he heard this. And yet, he just keeps crying, keeps apologizing for all he did.

Abel Lazarus But he doesn’t yet. He just holds onto Vinzent. He pretends he doesn’t feel half as helpless as he is. He doesn’t know how to comfort Viper or Vinzent. He doesn’t know how to do anything.

He clings to Abel, desesperately. Like if he didn’t… He’d fall further down. Away from everyone. Away… From who he really is.

Abel Lazarus “You don’t want to hurt people, Vinzent. Don’t hurt people. That’s not better. It’s never felt Better to hurt someone. It’s always just felt like… Like a hollow feeling. Wishing more than anything you can take it back. You aren’t going to feel accomplished or safe because you killed her.” His voice catches on killed. “And.” His voice breaks. “Then I’ll just lose both of you.”

“I’m trying.” It’s desperate. It doesn’t seem he’s holding his emotions in as well as he used to.

“I’M SORRY.”

And who knows how long he will keep crying… It… Won’t end anytime soon, for sure. But the regrets… They’re here to stay, too. Will he ever get better someday?

…

Does he deserve to?

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer How easy is it when she’s really close to Abel? When he can’t see her without Abel nearby? When she’s so… Present.

Abel wouldn’t quite understand the issue! His mother could ignore him when he was right there easily. How doesn’t it make sense to be able to ignore each other? Besides. He is without Viper far more often than Vinzent thinks. He spends a lot of time with her sure- but he still has plenty of time alone or with Vinzent.

Vinzent Mayer “I’M SORRY.”

Abel’s in pain. He doesn’t know what to do.

He wants Marius. So badly he wants to go home and not have to figure out what he’s supposed to do here. How he’s supposed to stop them from killing each other or hurting each other or. Anything.

It’s too much.

But he doesn’t say anything. He just holds onto Vinzent and tries his hardest not to cry. Not to…

Have his own break down at the same time.

“It’s going to be okay.” He’s hoping that with time this will get easier. He’ll figure things out. He’ll do something right.

For now he can just hold him. Make sure Vinzent… No longer wants to kill.

That’s what he’s got for now.

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus Abel wouldn’t quite understand the issue! His mother could ignore him when he was right there easily. How doesn’t it make sense to be able to ignore each other? Besides. He is without Viper far more often than Vinzent thinks. He spends a lot of time with her sure- but he still has plenty of time alone or with Vinzent.

I tap Vinzent’s head. He got issues, man.

For now, he really needed to calm down but… Not yet.

Abel Lazarus But he doesn’t say anything. He just holds onto Vinzent and tries his hardest not to cry. Not to…

Have his own break down at the same time.

“It’s going to be okay.” He’s hoping that with time this will get easier. He’ll figure things out. He’ll do something right.

For now he can just hold him. Make sure Vinzent… No longer wants to kill.

That’s what he’s got for now.

The longer he cries, the louder it goes.

Eventually… It started to quiet down.

To weeping.

To a steadier breath, even if it wasn’t quite calm. Then… He stops. He’s tired. He’s really tired of this whole nonsense, with the mirror to his poor choices, that thankfully has never been moved forward.

He shouldn’t have listened to the reflection. But… When you’re mad, you rarely listen to reason. And that’s where Vinzent fails in reason. Anytime he’s so angry, he says or thinks the ugliest shit imaginable. Then it’s either detention or distancing. Rarely was he ever listened to. And he didn’t want to drag his loved ones in his problems, so he never tells them of his problems!

… Truthfully? He hates it. For once, he wants to stop doing this. But he doesn’t really… Know how.

And it was stupid to want to kill, he knows. It’s so… He’d just hurt himself in the long run, hurt everyone. For nothing.

…

So he was grateful that Abel got him to stop risking the inevitable.

Vinzent should note that if it was anyone else that was not Viper who tell him to stop? He’d have stopped too, with enough convincing. It just happens that… He’s closest to Abel. As a friend. It just happens that Abel is… Seeing him more often than he thought (Viper’s words in the library car did not help because it stayed there since then, feeding on his fear of being alone, abandoned).

Vinzent’s paranoia got the best of him.

So, yeah. Vinzent isn’t looking at himself in a positive light again. He nearly fucked up big time.

“I… I wish… I didn’t… I wish I had better control of my fucking emotions. I didn’t… I keep running in walls. I don’t know.”

I don’t know anymore.

Where to go. What to do.

Abel will hear a very, very quiet…

help me

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer “I… I wish… I didn’t… I wish I had better control of my fucking emotions. I didn’t… I keep running in walls. I don’t know.”

Abel… isn’t sure he can help. He’s the same way. Lacking control of himself.

He does… Know that he needs to talk to Viper about this. He doesn’t feel great about the idea but it’s unfair to Viper to not know that information in a game like this. That someone’s around trying to convince people to hurt her. He’s.

…

He doesn’t know how to help anyone right now. He’s so overwhelmed. He can’t help now. Beyond what he’s doing right now. He just holds him.

Tries to think of how to deal with this rapidly derailing train.

« Previous Page