Got Change for a 50? | Jack + Abel + Melvin | The Desert Island Car

Roadie 🪶Jack

Gleeful, Jack continued his very slow approach. Maybe he could spook Abel straight back into the water. That’d be hilarious.

Abel Lazarus “I don’t owe you anything.”

“And people say I got a bad memory. Guess you were bleeding out, so can’t expect that much, but… Really so quick forget all the people who worked together to save your life, huh?”

Abel Lazarus “Go bother someone else for it.”

“Like who? Which person here deserves all their money less than you do, ah?” Throw someone under the bus, he dared you.

Abel Lazarus

Abel scoffs. He WORKED for his money thank you very much! Or at least- he worked for the money actively on his persons. He definitely didn’t work for all of it. Obviously.

“What could you possibly even need money FOR on this train?” He looks Jack up and down nervously.

He’s not going to be able to keep this up much longer. How much time will there be before Jack pulls out his knife? Abel doesn’t like his Odds once the knife is Out. His adrenaline is building.

Glancing around he spots someone… Near-ish.

No need to throw someone under the bus. Not in the way Jack’s asking for at least-

“You want money that badly? Fine.” He grabs a fist full of quarters from his pocket and throws them Hard at Jack’s face. Without even checking to see if Any make their mark he turns and books it for Melvin. The second he reaches him he puts him between himself and Jack.

“Melvin if you keep him off me I’ll give you 100 dollars Cash Right Now.” That’ll do. That’ll do.

Melvin Greene

Melvin, in no great hurry to watch the most cringe fail home movie ever made, has been doing a whole lot of standing around. Wandering. Maybe even thinking a little bit, if he’s feeling up to a challenge. There’s some distant bickering that really, probably, maybe isn’t his problem.

Abel Lazarus “Melvin if you keep him off me I’ll give you 100 dollars Cash Right Now.”

Until it is! Very suddenly it is. This is the latest event in a chain of things that might as well be happening. It takes him a moment to very confusedly parse what Abel is even saying. A… hundred dollars cash? Kind of useless on the train, really, but on the off-chance he did get out of here that would be a hundred bucks more than he had when he boarded. A pretty significant amount for just one task.

Eh. He’d been paid less for worse work. Might as well. It’d been a while since he played defense, maybe it would even be a little bit fun to put it into practice again after all this time. (Likely not, but don’t tell him that.)

“Sure, whatever. You got a deal.”

It’s as shrimple as that. Wait. No. He should probably clarify something first. Just to be sure of the working conditions here.

“… he’s not trying to kill you, is he? ‘Cause if he’s trying to kill you, I’m getting the hell out of here and you should too.”

Off to a bad start on this task because he is Absolutely already distracted and focusing more on Abel instead of keeping an eye out for Jack. At least he’s still serving as a physical obstacle?

Roadie 🪶Jack

Abel Lazarus “What could you possibly even need money FOR on this train?”

“If ’s not necessary, why shouldja keep it? Just more weight to drag ya down. ‘m offerin’ you a service here, really.”

Abel Lazarus He grabs a fist full of quarters from his pocket and throws them Hard at Jack’s face.

Jack’s hands flew up defensively, but even the very mild burn on his left fingers made that hurt worse than if it would’ve just hit him in the face. Fine, whatever, he was still getting more than he’d expected.

Squatting to snap up what fell in the sand, he almost missed Abel ducking behind a tree for cover. Er—He blinked. Another person, actually. What. Just. A dude so spooked he went hiding behind the first other person he saw. The very idea of it cracked Jack up enough to slow his gathering. Hard to keep your hands moving that quick when you’re laughing too hard to make a sound.

Melvin Greene “… he’s not trying to kill you, is he? ‘Cause if he’s trying to kill you, I’m getting the [heck] out of here and you should too.”

Oh this was hilarious. How to play it, how to play it… Man, it was nice to have some people around to mess with. Threading one of the new quarters between his fingers, he leaned slightly against the nearest tree.

“Am I tryin’ to kill you? You tell me.”

Abel Lazarus

“No.” Listen. Abel fully thinks he might try- and he is a bad liar- so that isn’t a very convincing no.

“You’re being an Ass. You actively criticized the people helping me. That isn’t deserving of any Money.”

He is holding onto Melvin for cover- so that’s probably quite a bit more helpful since he can use him as a shield. Or at the very least Attempt to use him as a shield. Depends on how hard it is to move him with his injury.

“Look- I’ll give you 200 if you don’t run off. You’re more deserving of it than Jack is.” In fact he feels like it would be VERY satisfying to hand over money to Melvin for no reason just to spite Jack.

He’s imagining his expression now… Yeah. Okay. Worth it. He pulls out two hundred dollar bills. He won’t hand them over yet because Melvin could just run off with it but. “You keep me safe- you make easy money.”

“… Are you good at throwing things?” He asks Melvin.

Melvin Greene

Abel might not be very convincing, but Melvin’s gullible enough to take that ‘no’ at face value. Honestly, he probably just chalks it up to the other guy being freaked out by the mere Presence of Jack - which was definitely fair.

He’s not entirely sure how he feels about being like, actually physically held onto in this situation. Jack’s very not-straightforward response doesn’t exactly inspire much confidence. It sort of feels like Abel might just shove him at Jack and bail if he gets too freaked out.

… For 200 bucks, though? He thinks he can put up with that possibility. Don’t have to tempt him twice.

“Hey, you got it man.”

And he’s actually paying attention to Jack now. Making sure he’s. Uh. Keeping Abel safe now, he guesses. He’s starting to get something superficially resembling an understanding of Jack, in the same way that a porcupine resembles a cactus. Maybe he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but at this point he was reasonably sure Jack was just a little freak with a twisted sense of humour. Not funny, didn’t laugh, but also didn’t get stabbed yet. The odds of it happening seemed low, but math never was his strong suit.

Abel Lazarus “… Are you good at throwing things?”

“Haven’t gotten any complaints about the contactless drive-bys yet. So yeah, I’d say so.”

complaints about the what now.

Roadie 🪶Jack

Abel Lazarus You actively criticized the people helping me. That isn’t deserving of any Money.”

“Oh, so if they’re not treating you correctly, you wouldn’t even want them to know about it? Not a great survival strategy there.”

Abel Lazarus “Look- I’ll give you 200 if you don’t run off.

Jack’s mouth was still twitching regularly at the man-hides-behind-other-man arrangement, but that at least got his attention. 200, huh… A bigger score than the quarters, that was for sure. Yeah, go ahead and hand it over. Melvin didn’t look like he’d react too fast to getting it snatched from him, anyway. Came off as more of a “glare but immediately resign himself to his fate” type, as far as Jack was concerned.

Abel Lazarus You’re more deserving of it than Jack is.”

Ha! Ha ha. For sure. ~~That is Jack’s narration, not just mine.~~

Abel Lazarus “You keep me safe- you make easy money.”

Jack grinned wickedly, like a plan was forming. “…Define ‘safe’.”

Melvin Greene And he’s actually paying attention to Jack now.

Jack smiled(ish) and did a little finger-wave at the attention. Hey buddy. How’s it goin’.

Abel Lazarus “… Are you good at throwing things?”

“Oooh, are we gunnin’ for some dodgeball? At least lemme stretch first.” He proceeded to do a little stretching—mockingly, somehow.

Abel Lazarus

“How would you know if they’re treating me right? It’s not like you were even Trying! If you had tried I would have Actually given you something.”

Jack is making Abel more nervous. Nervous enough he’s a lot quieter when he hands Melvin some quarters and says, “Throw these at him.” Careful to make sure Jack won’t hear him. “If you hit him I’ll give you 300.”

There we are. Upping it. A beautiful little interaction. Does this mean he won’t try to fight Jack at a later date? No. It just means right now he won’t.

Ultimately however this ends- it’s not like they’re likely to clear his wallet out or anything.

This is the face he’s making as he peaks around at Jack, mind you. He really is so babygirl. So absolutely ridiculous. Abel. Please.

Roadie 🪶Jack

Abel Lazarus If you had tried I would have Actually given you something.”

“Oh, if I woulda tried, you’d be dead.” There an odd blankness in his tone that kept it from sounding like a threat. Exactly what it was supposed to mean wasn’t clear, though.

Straining to hear the exchange easily distracted him from whatever that was. He may not have caught it all, but in context he could make some assumptions. The circumstances set him cackling. This was the most ridiculous setup for anything ever. Loved that.

But he’d be missing out on a big part of the fun if he just stood there cackling and stretching when the attacks came. So he straightened up and paid some actual attention for once, one quarter still rolling across his knuckles like an unnecessarily complicated tic. Though he didn’t hear where Abel told Melvin to aim, the first four quarters were all directly headed impressively straight towards center of mass.

Jack flicked the coin he already had up into the air, snatched the whole dollar’s worth out of the air before they could hit him… and then caught the first coin again when it came down.

He whistled. “So, how much’s he make if he actually lands one?”

Melvin Greene

Well, it wasn’t like Melvin had made any real effort to help Abel either. Put a few bucks in for it, got nothing of any use, gave up, stayed out of the way of smarter people who could handle it better.

Hey, the deal was just to keep him safe, not to antagonize Jack–

-- 300 dollars? Say no more. He’ll be methodical about it for that kind of cash. There’s a little part of him that wonders if maybe this might be a bad idea. There’s also a much larger part of him encouraging him to THROW NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT. He slips a quarter out of the handful while Jack stretches. Mockingly. Somehow. A man of many talents, that one. It does do wonders to whittle down any lingering reservations he might have had about doing this. He leans back slightly to halfway whisper to Abel.

“… You got any preference where?”

As much as he wasn’t really angling to pick fights - unlike a lot of people, apparently!!!! - well. A job was a job. He’s already stuck in the middle of this, he might as well earn that cash about it. He’s ready to throw.

Abel Lazarus

“No preference. I just don’t like him.” He’s going to have so much fun with this. Delightful.

Is this going to endanger him? Yeah- sure. probably. He’s not thinking about all the details right now, though. He’s just thinking about how funny it’s going to be to watch Jack get pelted with quarters.

It’s even more helpful if he stops to pick them all up too. Maybe he’ll be an easier target then. If he doesn’t pick them up immediately they could get lost to the sand or the water after all. If Jack wants money he’ll get it this way and this way only.

Unless he successfully mugs Melvin after this- but at that point it’s not really Abel’s business.

Melvin Greene

Abel Lazarus “No preference. I just don’t like him.”

Sweet, that meant he could aim for something even easier to hit. Like Jack’s midsection. Which he did. And, uh.

Roadie 🪶Jack Jack flicked the coin he already had up into the air, snatched the whole dollar’s worth out of the air before they could hit him… and then caught the first coin again when it came down.

…

That’s genuinely just impressive. Enough so that Melvin doesn’t even remember he should probably be a little bit more scared by that considering he’s technically picking a fight on commission here. But he’s not even throwing anything back, so. How bad could it end up, really?

Roadie 🪶Jack “So, how much’s he make if he actually lands one?”

“That a challenge?”

It wound up not taking much at all for him to get swept up in it. Probably because tossing coins doesn’t really feel like fighting, especially with how casually Jack was taking it. Going for the face almost felt a little unsportsmanlike, but what the heck. It’s morally okay to throw small projectiles at someone if they (essentially) dare you to do it. Which Jack basically did, so he’s actually got full permission to throw these at his face actually. Have another dollar’s worth of quarters, buddy.

Abel Lazarus

Abel watches Jack catch this entire dollar and while it’s like. Objectively hilarious-

It says a bit too much about Jack’s physical ability for Abel to appreciate the skill.

“I’ll give you 350 if it hits him in the face.” He’s keeping this quiet. Covering his mouth in case Jack can read lips. Just One to the face. Just One and he’s content. Man this is so easy. If they were outside of this place he would have been offering much higher amounts because he could pull cash out or write a check or something- but luckily Melvin was willing to do this for what Abel sees as chump change.

Genuinely. With ATM Access the offer would be 4 grand. I can’t… Overstate this.

Roadie 🪶Jack

Abel Lazarus He’s keeping this quiet. Covering his mouth in case Jack can read lips.

The dire need for secrecy only made this even more hilarious. If Jack got to laughing any more than this, his focus on the task might be in trouble. But he was having an unpredictable wild time, with some threat of danger and opportunity to show off—literally what else could he have possibly asked for?

Melvin Greene “That a challenge?”

“Ya seem pretty challenged so far, yeah?”

“Or maybe you’re not even trying. You got enough money already, ’s that it?”

And Round Two: Go! Jack didn’t quite have time for the fancy bookending coin toss this time, but he still snapped up all four projectiles before they could hit. A bit more of a wince this time given the hand he was using, but mild aggravation of injury was the last thing that would ever stop him.

He rubbed his chin as he slid the coins into a pocket. “Y’think maybe you’d have more luck throwin’ the paper kind?”

“Betcha could definitely nail me in the face with a crisp hundred.”

Abel Lazarus

Abel is glaring at Jack over Melvin’s shoulder but for now he’s just handing him quarters and keeping behind him. He’s not been spoken to so he’s certainly just in the middle of this for now.

He is vaguely impressed Jack is catching these so easily though. Very cool. Not working out well for him right now but you know at least he’s getting a show from this?

Melvin Greene

Wow. All of this blatant provocation makes it seem like he’s fighting an uphill battle. But he’s still being supplied with quarters, so Melvin figures that’s as good a sign as any that he’s not completely screwing this up. Because this was his job now. Hire him to do this off the train so he can quit his awful pizza job and throw things at people.

“That’s stupid. You can’t throw paper anywhere near as good.”

Unless you wad it up, or fold it into an airplane or something… just like the good ol’ days of Not doing any of those math worksheets. Great memories all around. Wait, no, that was just more goading because Jack wanted Abel’s money. Which he was kind of getting at the moment, but, well, he wasn’t going to ask too many questions. He just glances back at Abel, who hasn’t bailed on him yet, which is as good as any other endorsement to Proceed.

Which he will. With a slightly heftier handful of quarters than before. That’ll show Jack, unless he catches all the coins again, but third time’s the charm. Jack’s gonna regret all the taunting when he gets hit in the face with THIS!!!!!

For the love of god, Michael Jordan of Space Jam, if you’re out there please help.

Roadie 🪶Jack

Melvin Greene “That’s stupid. You can’t throw paper anywhere near as good.”

“Hey, speak for yourself. You’ve never seen me chuckin’ bills around, have ya? Maybe I could demonstrate, if I had any…” Hint hint. Did he expect this to work? Absolutely not. But if he only did things he thought would work out well, he’d be doing a whole lotta nothing.

Melvin Greene Which he will. With a slightly heftier handful of quarters than before.

Ah, a bigger projectile—it would surely pack a bigger punch, but it did fly a little slower. This time, Jack kicked his shoulder bag up and held it open in front of him. The coins smacked into the inside instead of his face. He’d have to go back and rearrange them if he didn’t wanna jingle all over the place, but that was a problem for later.

“You sure you don’t wanna give paper a shot?”

Melvin Greene

Wow, Jack is seriously kind of scary. It’s a little bit embarrassing that one of the few things he’s actually any good at is so evenly matched but maybe the big ol’ murdernumber should have been an indication that he was, in fact, also very good at not being hit. In a strange sort of way, it’s almost actually… kind of fun? And personal. He’s gotta get a hit in on Jack, to prove….. something. And get paid.

Roadie 🪶Jack Maybe I could demonstrate, if I had any…

“Yeah, well. You’re not gettin’ any, so no demonstrations today.” Boss’s orders!

Only having to hit him once with one of these projectiles means it would surely happen eventually. Do it for Abel. Don’t believe in yourself, Melvin (he’s way ahead of me on that one lol), believe in the Bugs Bunny that believes in you. This one’s the one. These quarters are all gonna hit Jack, not just one of them, all. Okay, dial it back, don’t dream that big it’s just gotta be one. Throwing a bigger handful of these things should make that easier.

Please for the love of god let it work this time or he’s gonna die of embarrassment at this rate.

Abel Lazarus

Abel isn’t handing over any paper to be thrown at Jack. Nope. Not happening.

He wants him to get GOT. Right in the face! With a quarter! Quarters are whatever he probably won’t need more and even if he does he has more bills to exchange. Find a different Space Jam god to pray to Melvin. Maybe bugs bunny or something (I don’t know I haven’t watched the movie).

He hands over more quarters and tells Melvin that he can be done as soon as he gets him at least once. He won’t have to keep going. He can get paid and they can both run for the hills.

Just get him once.

Roadie 🪶Jack

Jack wasn’t sure how many more rounds they could go before this got tiring. But it was making him money, so probably not anytime soon. Chump change, sure, but what did that matter? He hadn’t been able to spend more than a few bucks in years, anyway. It was just the principle of the thing.

And here came the next handful—an even bigger one. How many coins was that—how many were even left at this point? Maybe he didn’t need to worry about getting bored before they ran out. At the moment, it was a lot more pressing to actually catch all of these. Bag, both hands? What fit this spread? Or more importantly, what would one-up his last plays?

Leaving the bag be, he flung both hands in front of him to get most of the quarters—except for the one he’d decided to catch in his teeth.

AKA, the one that ended up smacking the back of his throat. And the sudden additional challenge of not choking sufficiently distracted him from the last quarter of the bunch, which nailed him right in the forehead. It’s questionable if he even noticed, what with the coughing and the half-juggling not to lose his grip on the rest.

Get got.