Body Works? I Sure Hope It Does | Jack + Asuka | Segway Car

Roadie 🪶Jack

Jack saw her approach, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on who it was, even with no ski masks in the way. He didn’t get a writhing feeling in his gut at the sight of her, though, so that was a good sign. Was she fun? Seemed right.

OH yeah, yeah, he remembered now. He’d hit her with a chair.

…No, that wasn’t quite right. Uh… He hit her with a table?

Whatever, not that important.

Asuka Fukuda “Looking for more people to murder?

“Always! Was just investigatin’ this brand new diabolical murder weapon, uh…” He squinted at the soap label before grinning back at her. “ ‘Scoliosis Sandalwood’.” He paused, looked to a tinier label he’d missed, and then back. “…With Lemon Extract.” He held up the bottle and dragged one palm across the bottom like he was advertising it on a tacky game show.

Asuka Fukuda Or are you just going to be sneaking around, getting up to stuff? …Wanna test if stopping you from doing, like, crime stuff counts if we’re on the same team?”

“But you’re right, that sounds more fun. Might as well both go for it. Got your eye on anything? Lotsa pink ones on the display over there.” He nodded that way.

Asuka Fukuda

Asuka’s tense stance doesn’t change, although she relaxes slightly. The fact she could have been killed was on her mind on some level, after all. That, or Jack was just in a good mood, and that meant no murder, but hey! You take what you could get, right?

Roadie 🪶Jack “Always! Was just investigatin’ this brand new diabolical murder weapon, uh…” He squinted at the soap label before grinning back at her. “ ‘Scoliosis Sandalwood’.” He paused, looked to a tinier label he’d missed, and then back. “…With Lemon Extract.”

“Ugh, get that away from me. You know it’s going to smell cheap, and it’d probably kill me with its crummy quality overall. I bet they lie about half the ingredients they used. Who even likes Lemon Extract?” Asuka is more likely to try to destroy the soap than she is Jack - new way for peace to exist.

Still, actually looking after some of this stuff…

Roadie 🪶Jack “But you’re right, that sounds more fun. Might as well both go for it. Got your eye on anything? Lotsa pink ones on the display over there.”

Looking at some body spray and fragrances shouldn’t hurt, at least. With an exaggerated amount of anger, Asuka finds herself quickly browsing through the options. What actually looks worth it? The answer is none of them, but they all have dumb names. Those are only fun when you’re naming the perfume and forcing other people to say the proper name.

“…Pure Wonder. A dreamy, warm, joyfully bright smell - perfect for whatever occasion. Or if you’re just kind of stinky and actually embarrassed about it, I guess. Sounds like the perfect thing for you, no? Besides the shame thing. …Can you, like, feel shame?”

Roadie 🪶Jack

Asuka Fukuda That, or Jack was just in a good mood, and that meant no murder, but hey!

A much better mood than during his last murder, that’s for sure!

Asuka Fukuda “Ugh, get that away from me. You know it’s going to smell cheap, and it’d probably kill me with its crummy quality overall. I bet they lie about half the ingredients they used. Who even likes Lemon Extract?”

Jack cackled. What a pop-off over some smelly thing. Did anyone actually care that much? Then again, even if she was putting on airs, it’d be pretty much the same amount of funny. He waggled the pump bottle in her direction threateningly, but he wasn’t going for the kill yet.

“Hey now, you’re gonna hurt Lemon Extract’s feelings talkin’ like that. Callin’ ’em a liar, too? So rude.”

He snorted at her managing to look riled up even sorting through sparkly fragrances. Girl had talent.

Asuka Fukuda “…Pure Wonder. A dreamy, warm, joyfully bright smell - perfect for whatever occasion. Or if you’re just kind of stinky and actually embarrassed about it, I guess.

“Sounds like an occasion to me!”

Asuka Fukuda Sounds like the perfect thing for you, no? Besides the shame thing.

What, did he stink? He usually kept a pretty good handle on that—easy way to fill in the time others would use sleeping. He barely resisted the impulse to smell-check his hoodie, which wouldn’t have worked particularly well considering it wasn’t even on his person.

Asuka Fukuda …Can you, like, feel shame?”

“Nope!” he said with perfect cheer. “Had it surgically removed ’bout two years ago.”

“Not entirely on purpose. ’pparently it’s very easy to confuse for your appendix. Shoulda researched that doctor a little better. Sure seemed like she knew what she was doin’…” He sighed melodramatically.

Asuka Fukuda

Roadie 🪶Jack He waggled the pump bottle in her direction threateningly, but he wasn’t going for the kill yet.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Hey now, you’re gonna hurt Lemon Extract’s feelings talkin’ like that. Callin’ ’em a liar, too? So rude.”

“Well, maybe if Lemon extract didn’t want to be hurt, it wouldn’t be so sour, hm?” The joke gets a small snicker from Asuka. Maybe she should have gone into comedy. Might have had a career there or something, right? “Maybe you’re a perf match afterall, actually~”

What gets a further laugh from Asuka is the way that Jack actually plays into her joke. The thing is, she doesn’t know if she actually likes him. Actually, she’s pretty sure she doesn’t, and he’s kind of scary, but! At the very least, he’s responding to her comments, and doesn’t seem like he’s going to do anything.

Don’t get Asuka wrong though - she still really, really wants to fight him, mostly to prove she still can.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Nope!” he said with perfect cheer. “Had it surgically removed ’bout two years ago.”

Roadie 🪶Jack “Not entirely on purpose. ’pparently it’s very easy to confuse for your appendix. Shoulda researched that doctor a little better. Sure seemed like she knew what she was doin’…” He sighed melodramatically.

“Hah. That’s how it always goes, hm?” Dramatically, Asuka flips her hair, rolling her eyes. “You ask for help with, like, just a simple operation and then! Wow!” There’s a pause - somebody clearly forgot to think of the punchline before speaking. “…Basically, missing your identity. Truest form of identity theft.” At least she came up with something, even if it seems to sour her mood.

“Well, whatever. Still up for testing if stopping you from stealing counts?” The Pure Wonder is dangled from her hand, shaken back and forth like she’s trying to tempt a cat and a not a grown man. …In all honesty, it probably could work.

Roadie 🪶Jack

Comedian or otherwise, it’s enough to make Jack snort, at least.

Asuka Fukuda “Maybe you’re a perf match afterall, actually~”

“See, I’d consider myself more…” He tilted his head, mouth scrunching to one side in thought. “…tastefully bitter.” He nodded to himself. “Like coffee ’r quinine ‘r somethin’.”

“Could still be a match. Do people put lemon in coffee? Heard a’ all kindsa stuff, so I wouldn’t be surprised. Knew a guy who only took his with salt.” His lemon or his coffee? Was either alternative better?

Asuka Fukuda “…Basically, missing your identity. Truest form of identity theft.”

She kinda lost him on that one, but he chuckled along anyway, since it was probably perfectly understandable to anyone who, like, slept ever.

“Maybe I oughta look into being on the receivin’ end ’stead of the other one.” Or was that backwards? Whatever, it had to be clear in context. Or as clear as anything else he said. “Scalpel can’t be that hard to figure out, yeah?”

Asuka Fukuda “Well, whatever. Still up for testing if stopping you from stealing counts?” The Pure Wonder is dangled from her hand, shaken back and forth like she’s trying to tempt a cat and a not a grown man. …In all honesty, it probably could work.

“Stealin’ from you or the store?”

He swiped at the body spray in her hand without waiting for an answer. Just felt like a challenge.

Asuka Fukuda

Roadie 🪶Jack “See, I’d consider myself more…” He tilted his head, mouth scrunching to one side in thought. “…tastefully bitter.” He nodded to himself. “Like coffee ’r quinine ‘r somethin’.”

Asuka’s nose scrunches up at that, clearly judging Jack. Ugh, of course that’s something that he’d say.

“You’d totally be into wormwood scents, huh? Of course you would, you can totally tell.” There’s a brief moment where Asuka considers if Jack deserves a nickname from her before she drops it. “This stuff is way too good for you, conside yourself lucky.”

“…Also, no. People who are normal and have any sense of taste don’t. Your friend sucks and he deserves misfortune because who the hell does that?” There was no good alternative, and Asuka is going to judge. It’ll just make her judge even harder if the answer is the lemon.

Still, Asuka isn’t going all out on insulting Jack. Or anybody right now. Her mood is relatively good - she sees no reason for it not to stay that way. She even got a chuckle!

Roadie 🪶Jack “Stealin’ from you or the store?”

“Stealing from- HEY!” There’s little or no time for Asuka to react to the swipe. Completely caught off-guard, her usual self-described “amazing reflexes” aren’t enough.

Jack doesn’t get the spray, but neither does Asuka. Instead, after one horrible, awkward moment, the floor gets the bottle with a large CRACK! sounding throughout the store. Asuka can only stare at the mess, eyes wide. Hopefully there’s not a serious rule for that. Whoops.

Roadie 🪶Jack

Asuka Fukuda “You’d totally be into wormwood scents, huh? Of course you would, you can totally tell.”

Jack squinted in thought briefly.

“Wormwood… Isn’t that poisonous or somethin’?”

“Well, most things are if you use ’em wrong, but, y’know. I could live with a good poison scent, I think. Fits as much ’s bitter.” Okay edgelord.

Asuka Fukuda “…Also, no. People who are normal and have any sense of taste don’t. Your friend sucks and he deserves misfortune because who the [heck] does that?”

“Well, I wouldn’t know anything about normal!” His head turned just enough to make him wince. Haha, yeah, that neck wound sure was still fresh, huh. But it’d been treated recently, so best to just ignore it as much as he could. Just like everything else he couldn’t fix.

“Not a friend, either, just a guy I ran a few tourist scams with back in Nawlins. But sure, fair enough.”

The crack was enough to make him jump a little before he put together where it’d come from. He stared down at the mess, a joke of a mirror image of Asuka, before cracking up. Any possible consequences didn’t seem to worry him at the moment. He could run if it came to it, whatever. This was just so uncalled for he couldn’t help any other reaction.

Asuka Fukuda

Roadie 🪶Jack “Wormwood… Isn’t that poisonous or somethin’?”

Asuka stares blankly at Jack for a few moments, likely trying to tell if he’s messing with her or not.

“No it’s not. I’ve handled wormwood perfume stuff before, it’s not going to kill you.” What a baby! Clearly, wormwood as a whole was fine and not just as a scent.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Well, most things are if you use ’em wrong, but, y’know. I could live with a good poison scent, I think. Fits as much ’s bitter.”

“Also, edgelord, if it was poisonous, it’d be too good for you. Way too valuable for you to ever handle. So.” Asuka would be the one with the poison then! …Two edgelords, potentially.

Clearly neither of them are normal, but with no real comparison they don’t get to come to that solidly yet. At least in Asuka’s case. She expresses exactly 0 sympathy for that neck wound, still clearly irritated by the poison talk.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Not a friend, either, just a guy I ran a few tourist scams with back in Nawlins. But sure, fair enough.”

There’s no real time to react to that considering what’s on the ground. Asuka has decided to mostly just stare at it, in a much fouler mood. What is she even supposed to say here? Asuka just kind of looks around. Maybe there is a punishment that will materialize? As soon as it hits her that’s unlikely though…

“Ugh! Now you have to clean it up! I can’t believe you.” So now it’s all about Jack, huh? “Do you even know how to clean things well? …Actually, no, wait you totes do. You’ve cleaned up evidence before. …Before this, I mean. I’m right, aren’t I? Aren’t I, aren’t I, huh? I mean, if you scammed tourists with a guy, it probably escalated. You totally escalate all the things.”

Friendlyish, maybe?

Roadie 🪶Jack

Asuka Fukuda “No it’s not. I’ve handled wormwood perfume stuff before, it’s not going to kill you.”

Jack’s eyebrows rose slightly.

“Doesn’t mean ‘s not poisonous. Just means y’ know how to handle it safely.” Eh, semantics maybe? He wasn’t that invested in the argument.

Asuka Fukuda “Also, edgelord, if it was poisonous, it’d be too good for you. Way too valuable for you to ever handle. So.”

After a brief delay for processing, he cackled. Man, she sure had her zingers. If that was the right terminology. Maybe just insults? Eh, who cared. Funny was funny.

“See, the problem is, I’ll handle whatever valuables there are whether they’re too good for me or not. Or ’s it really too good for me if I can still get my hands on it? Pretty much means I’ve earned it, yeah?”

Asuka Fukuda She expresses exactly 0 sympathy for that neck wound, still clearly irritated by the poison talk.

Good! He would have been so weirded out if she did. Let’s keep this light, about insulting his right to handle poison instead of his actual physical pain. Nobody wanted to think about that.

Asuka Fukuda “Ugh! Now you have to clean it up! I can’t believe you.”

Again it took another second for processing, and sadly she’d already gone on before he could start laughing any more at it. Fine, fine, he could listen too. She didn’t kill the mood for more than a second in there, anyway.

Asuka Fukuda “Do you even know how to clean things well? …Actually, no, wait you totes do. You’ve cleaned up evidence before. …Before this, I mean. I’m right, aren’t I? Aren’t I, aren’t I, huh? I mean, if you scammed tourists with a guy, it probably escalated. You totally escalate all the things.”

“Only if I want to! Runnin’s much less trouble.”

“But a’ course, I gotta’ve learned something from my many, many terrible crimes across the nation an’ wherever this is, yeah? Guess I don’t got all that much for smells specifically, but plentya cleanin’ goods here, sure.” He put a hand on his satchel before his look soured.

“Well, normally plenty. Gotta get my stuff back. Hate when the cars pull that kinda crap.” Very genuinely.

Asuka Fukuda

Roadie 🪶Jack “Doesn’t mean ‘s not poisonous. Just means y’ know how to handle it safely.” Eh, semantics maybe? He wasn’t that invested in the argument.

Semantics! The enemy! Asuka looks like she’s about to start yelling, but forces herself to take a deep breath. Haruka probably be disappointed in Asuka if she just started yelling over minor stuff. She just needs to save yelling for the bigger stuff!

She’ll just ignore the whole argument because she doesn’t know if it counts as a compliment or not, but she does know taking it as a compliment means she loses. Probably.

Roadie 🪶Jack “See, the problem is, I’ll handle whatever valuables there are whether they’re too good for me or not. Or ’s it really too good for me if I can still get my hands on it? Pretty much means I’ve earned it, yeah?”

“Why is poison a valuable? It’s poison. I think that’s, like, an anti-valuable? You don’t want poison normally, anyways. …Do you use poison?” For every zinger Asuka makes, there’s a very dumb question present. At least Jack has new material to work with.

Roadie 🪶Jack “But a’ course, I gotta’ve learned something from my many, many terrible crimes across the nation an’ wherever this is, yeah? Guess I don’t got all that much for smells specifically, but plentya cleanin’ goods here, sure.” He put a hand on his satchel before his look soured.

Oh. The thing is, regardless of how jokingly this is being said, Asuka is taking this very seriously. The man in front of her is absolutely still a threat. What is Asuka meant to make of that? She can’t show any fear, because that’s a bad idea. Instead, Asuka just scoffs and rolls her eyes, keeping any of those worries away.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Well, normally plenty. Gotta get my stuff back. Hate when the cars pull that kinda crap.” Very genuinely.

There’s a moment where Asuka kind of just nods her head absentmindedly. Then, realizing what was actually said, she stops. “Oh. Wait. Cars can, like, steal your stuff? That’s a thing? That’s not part of the whole… death thing going on?”

Actually, wait. Go back a quoted paragraph. “What many, many crimes? They’re probably mostly lame besides the whole murder thing. What, did you loiter too long?” Might as well sass the fear away! “…Also, where the hell did you get cleaning goods? Is that just a collection hobby? That’s sad.”

Roadie 🪶Jack

Jack didn’t seem to mind any topic dropping. Or maybe he didn’t even notice. His gaze was still looking a little unfocused. He seemed to be doing well enough otherwise, though… for the moment.

Asuka Fukuda “Why is poison a valuable? It’s poison. I think that’s, like, an anti-valuable? You don’t want poison normally, anyways.

“ ’f it’s got uses, somebody'll want it. Long as there’s a buyer, ’bout anything can be valuable.”

He gently nudged the remains of the Pure Wonder with the toe of his mall police shoe. As if even that could be valuable if you spun it right. Not enough for him to go hoarding broken bottles, though. He could steal an intact one if he wanted it that badly, thanks.

Asuka Fukuda …Do you use poison?”

“Oh yeah, there’s this one toxic paste I spread on all my breakfast food. Built up an immunity, keeps people from eatin’ my food—for long, anyways. Good strategy all around. Wanna try some?” He patted one of his uniform pockets that clearly couldn’t have been holding much, if anything.

Asuka Fukuda “Oh. Wait. Cars can, like, steal your stuff? That’s a thing? That’s not part of the whole… death thing going on?”

“Not super common, but yeah.”

“Not sure why anybody’d wanna take our stuff for the death thing. Easier to kill each other when we’ve all got all our knives still, yeah?”

“ ’r maybe ‘d be to even the playin’ field? Eh. Don’t ask me. Wasn’t my idea.”

Asuka Fukuda “What many, many crimes? They’re probably mostly lame besides the whole murder thing. What, did you loiter too long?”

“You got me! Loitered in front of the busiest Target in America for two years straight.”

He then shook his head with a doleful sigh.

“Broke the world record, even, but ‘pparently you gotta have an official record-keeper present if you wanna actually get in the books. Imagine finding somebody willin’ to wait that long. Wasn’t happening.”

Asuka Fukuda “…Also, where the [heck] did you get cleaning goods? Is that just a collection hobby? That’s sad.”

“Mixed up most of ’em myself. That make it more ‘r less sad? Beats wanderin’ around with bloodstains on all my clothes either way, doesn’t it?”

Asuka Fukuda

Roadie 🪶Jack “ ’f it’s got uses, somebody’ll want it. Long as there’s a buyer, ’bout anything can be valuable.”

Asuka’s eyes dart to the Pure Wonder, a confused expression on her face. There’s nothing valuable there though. Just a broken bottle. It’s probably another trick, and not something to seriously consider. Ugh, how does she keep falling for this?

“Who’d buy a broken bottle? Some stuff is just junk, and it needs to be treated like junk.” There’s only the barest hint of disdain when she looks at Jack, but it’s visible all the same. “You need to, like, understand that, got it? Cuz like…Damn. Junk is just junk, I don’t know.”

The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she can’t find them. Maybe she just lacks the patience to.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Oh yeah, there’s this one toxic paste I spread on all my breakfast food. Built up an immunity, keeps people from eatin’ my food—for long, anyways. Good strategy all around. Wanna try some?” He patted one of his uniform pockets that clearly couldn’t have been holding much, if anything.

“….” It’d be so easy to reject that offer. But if Asuka can get a cool poison immunity out of this. She doesn’t even notice that the pocket’s empty, too caught up in her own thoughts and general silent frustration. “Fine. Just, like, know if you poison me everybody’s gonna know. Malls always have cameras, and they can just review the footage.”

Local teen asks for poison from confirmed murderer who scares her - more at 8.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Not sure why anybody’d wanna take our stuff for the death thing. Easier to kill each other when we’ve all got all our knives still, yeah?”

“….Wait, did the car steal your stuff or not? How do you still have poi-” She shuts her mouth. Ah. Okay. Maybe it just hit her what’s actually going on. She lets out a loud scream of frustration, but what else is she going to do? “…You make it sound nice. What, gonna develop feelings for the car? Thanks for taking away the easy weapons so it’s likely anybody can get murdered? …Weirdo. Do you wanna, like, try to justify your bad take, or you just gonna accept being cancelled, hm?” Wha-Where did that come from? Bad insult.

Then again, it’s clear that Asuka’s wounded pride is just causing her to take every small slight and multiply it without a need to do so. She thinks of Haruka again, however, and takes a breath. Ugh, this sucks. Playing nice sucks!

…Whatever. It’ll be worth it later when she tells Haruka and gets praised for being so cool! Or maybe R.N.A., now that she thinks of it! Asuka’s pretty sure that’s how adults complimenting you works - she doesn’t actually know. Do robots count as adults?

Roadie 🪶Jack “Broke the world record, even, but ‘pparently you gotta have an official record-keeper present if you wanna actually get in the books. Imagine finding somebody willin’ to wait that long. Wasn’t happening.”

“You probably could if you pay them. Do you not believe in paying recordkeepers? That’s so cruel. Bad stance on work conditions can be added to your crime checklist, I guess.” The snicker that follows is genuine, despite everything. Asuka’s own brand of humor helps her out, huh? “What, you also make exploitative contracts for them? Gonna steal their souls or something?”

She could see it. Jack seems like the kind of guy who could figure out how to do that on accident, and then abuse it over and over again.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Mixed up most of ’em myself. That make it more ‘r less sad? Beats wanderin’ around with bloodstains on all my clothes either way, doesn’t it?”

"…More sad. Honestly, if somebody else did it for you, that’d be king stuff. Mean you actually can get people to do stuff for you. People are power, y’know? Gotta force them into place somehow. Just don’t, like, be too awful. Can’t really get rid of all your sins, yeah? …I mean, I guess if you don’t remember them, it doesn’t count? You wanna, like, pretend to argue about it or something?

Roadie 🪶Jack

Asuka Fukuda Asuka’s eyes dart to the Pure Wonder, a confused expression on her face.

Jack swiped another bottle of something while she was distracted. Not entirely on purpose, but uh, he could worry about that later. Or just forget it happened, most likely.

Asuka Fukuda “Who’d buy a broken bottle? Some stuff is just junk, and it needs to be treated like junk. You need to, like, understand that, got it? Cuz like…[Dang]. Junk is just junk, I don’t know.”

“We still talkin’ about objects at this point, ’r people?”

“You can just come out and say it, I don’t mind. Nothin’ I haven’t heard before.” As if Asuka was one to worry about offending him.

Asuka Fukuda “Fine. Just, like, know if you poison me everybody’s gonna know.

Had. Had she actually bought that. Incredible.

“ ‘If’ I poison you? Isn’t poisonin’ you the point?”

Asuka Fukuda “….Wait, did the car steal your stuff or not? How do you still have poi-” She shuts her mouth. Ah. Okay. Maybe it just hit her what’s actually going on. She lets out a loud scream of frustration, but what else is she going to do?

And Jack laughed, of course, but at least her scream pretty handily overcame his chronically low volume. Just two guys having a jolly old time in the Back & Body Hurts.

Asuka Fukuda “…You make it sound nice. What, gonna develop feelings for the car? Thanks for taking away the easy weapons so it’s likely anybody can get murdered? …Weirdo. Do you wanna, like, try to justify your bad take, or you just gonna accept being cancelled, hm?”

Okay, he didn’t follow that at all, but what else was new?

“Eh, I can accept that, sure.” Whatever the heck “being cancelled” meant.

Asuka Fukuda “You probably could if you pay them. Do you not believe in paying recordkeepers? That’s so cruel. Bad stance on work conditions can be added to your crime checklist, I guess.”

Eyebrows up.

“Why would I pay ’em? ’s the record company’s job, isn’t it? I’d just be, uh, double-paying ’r whatever.”

“Might be a good scam to run, though, now thatcha mention it. I’ll look into it, thanks.”

Asuka Fukuda “What, you also make exploitative contracts for them? Gonna steal their souls or something?”

“What, just ’cause I don’t got one? That’s so profiling, ’r stereotyping, ’r whatever. I expected better from you.” He shook his head sadly.

Asuka Fukuda "…More sad. Honestly, if somebody else did it for you, that’d be king stuff. Mean you actually can get people to do stuff for you. People are power, y’know? Gotta force them into place somehow.

“So what I’m hearin’ is, be sure I got enough money to throw at ’em, yeah? I’m working on it, no worries.”

Asuka Fukuda Just don’t, like, be too awful. Can’t really get rid of all your sins, yeah? …I mean, I guess if you don’t remember them, it doesn’t count? You wanna, like, pretend to argue about it or something?

“So if you forgot ya lost the argument, that won’t count, either? Pretty weaselly there.”

Asuka Fukuda

Roadie 🪶Jack “We still talkin’ about objects at this point, ’r people?”

Roadie 🪶Jack “You can just come out and say it, I don’t mind. Nothin’ I haven’t heard before.” As if Asuka was one to worry about offending him.

“Somebody’s self-centered.” Asuka can’t help but roll her eyes at that. “I don’t think you’re junk, I think you’re actually insane and a weirdo.” The honesty was still there, at least. “Junk would be like…totally worthless. Like that Dexter guy!” She is still holding a grudge over being briefly ignored in a conversation, huh? Sorry, Dexter.

Roadie 🪶Jack “ ‘If’ I poison you? Isn’t poisonin’ you the point?”

See, there are multiple layers to the stupidity here! Asuka is far too embarrassed and enraged to properly address any of it, however.

Roadie 🪶Jack And Jack laughed, of course, but at least her scream pretty handily overcame his chronically low volume. Just two guys having a jolly old time in the Back & Body Hurts.

The screaming does continue for a bit though. She is really unhappy about actually managing to fall for that. The option to just attack Jack is still on the table, at least. The thought is very reassuring.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Eh, I can accept that, sure.” Whatever the heck “being cancelled” meant.

“You would accept being cancelled.” It is not a good insult, but it is an objectively true statement. You know Jack would continue being Jack, regardless of what the internet thought about it.

Still, Asuka has him beat on one category!

Roadie 🪶Jack “Why would I pay ’em? ’s the record company’s job, isn’t it? I’d just be, uh, double-paying ’r whatever.”

“Actually, no. Record keepers have to be hired. I saw it on a video on the internet - it was a whole thing. Which is kind of sketch, and brings the reliability of record companies into question, but you know? Whatcha gonna do but be corrupt. Rich priv!” The peace sign Asuka is doing is awful, as is her bright smile.

Roadie 🪶Jack “What, just ’cause I don’t got one? That’s so profiling, ’r stereotyping, ’r whatever. I expected better from you.” He shook his head sadly.

“Besides, is it stereotyping when it’s totes true about you? You didn’t expect better anyways/ Nobody does. Like, great joke dude! I know you’re stealing souls, and you’re just hiding it. Great job.”

She examines her nails. Despite the fights she’s been getting into, they look pretty good!

Roadie 🪶Jack “So what I’m hearin’ is, be sure I got enough money to throw at ’em, yeah? I’m working on it, no worries.”

“And, yeah, it’s like I said! All about money in the end! Which you probably don’t have, huh?”

Roadie 🪶Jack So if you forgot ya lost the argument, that won’t count, either? Pretty weaselly there.”

“Sorry, what argument?” The smug grin on Asuka’s face says it all. “Maybe you can, like, remind me of the argument you lost? Because that sounds sad. Very, very sad.”

Roadie 🪶Jack

Still stripped of his coins and knives, Jack took to flipping one of the unopened soap bottles to occupy his hands. Certainly a different kind of weight balance to get used to, but he could use a little challenge. Keep him awake.

Asuka Fukuda “Somebody’s self-centered.”

“Well, what else ’m I supposed to center on?”

Asuka Fukuda “I don’t think you’re junk, I think you’re actually insane and a weirdo.”

Well, Ya Got Him There!

Asuka Fukuda “Junk would be like…totally worthless. Like that Dexter guy!”

After the span of several bottle flips to piece together the implication, he immediately put it (the implication, not the bottle) aside. So Jack wasn’t totally worthless? Fine, fine, he could excuse her for not knowing him very well. Or maybe just being a terrible judge of character. Possibly both. Anyway.

“Ha! What’d he ever do to you?” …Also who was Dexter, but that wasn’t the kind of question Jack actually asked. He’d either figure it out from context or decide he didn’t actually care. Most likely the latter, especially in his current condition.

Asuka Fukuda “Actually, no. Record keepers have to be hired. I saw it on a video on the internet - it was a whole thing. Which is kind of sketch, and brings the reliability of record companies into question, but you know? Whatcha gonna do but be corrupt. Rich priv!” The peace sign Asuka is doing is awful, as is her bright smile.

Having probably watched a total of two Internet videos in his life, he had no idea what to say to that, but at least the general execution got a laugh out of him. Go queen, be awful.

Asuka Fukuda “Besides, is it stereotyping when it’s totes true about you?

A solemn yet vigorous nod. Definitely not actually serious, but confirming it nonetheless!

Asuka Fukuda You didn’t expect better anyways/ Nobody does. Like, great joke dude!

If that sequences of words had any personal implications, he sure didn’t catch them! Busy catching this soap bottle. Honestly it’s a miracle he was still capable of that much. Don’t worry about all the times his gaze flickered over her shoulder at what turned out to be nothing. All normal here.

“You have so little faith in my sense of optimism, huh? Sad.”

Asuka Fukuda “And, yeah, it’s like I said! All about money in the end! Which you probably don’t have, huh?”

He nodded along until the last part.

“I said I’m workin’ on it. Not a lotta places on this train to get the real stuff, all right? ’S slow work.”

But it’s not like he had any reason he’d need it fast. Or at all here. He just wouldn’t think about either of those facts right now or ever preferably.

Asuka Fukuda “Sorry, what argument?” The smug grin on Asuka’s face says it all. “Maybe you can, like, remind me of the argument you lost? Because that sounds sad. Very, very sad.”

He nodded smugly before swiftly deciding that was a little too much motion involving his neck. Ow.

“Ya really know what you’re doin’, huh? Ha!”

Asuka Fukuda

Asuka stares at Jack for a few seconds, clearly unsure of what to say. To a lot of things. It’s obvious, the more you actually hang around Asuka, the less socially prepared she actually is.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Well, what else ’m I supposed to center on?”

“Um. Important things? Like the train, or like…” There’s an awkward pause, before Asuka shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t really wanna get to know you, so!” Of course Asuka being self-centered isn’t going to help with any of that, huh?

Still, Asuka isn’t being entirely honest there. Jack scares her! And probably could easily kill her! But he’s fun to mess with and argue with. And Asuka is still riding the high of beating him, mister scary, in a fight and walking away mostly unscathed. There’s no better reward than something like that. Most importantly, however…

Roadie 🪶Jack “Ha! What’d he ever do to you?”

“He just ignored me! Talked about me like I wasn’t even there. I’d rather he just be rude to my face, y’know? Not whatever passive-aggressive shtick he had going there.” Let’s ignore the fact Asuka was the one purposefully trying to provoke him to start a conversation. She certainly will. “You’re mean and kind of awful, but you at least address me. It’s, like, basic decency. …Oh my god, you’re not the worst person here.” …Congrats to Jack?

Roadie 🪶Jack A solemn yet vigorous nod. Definitely not actually serious, but confirming it nonetheless!

For a few brief seconds, Asuka has to reconsider their entire friendship. Are they friends? Is this actually friendship? They’re agreeing, which is something Asuka thinks is important. She had fun fighting him once she got over fearing for her life like some kind of loser. They’re having another whole conversation. …Maybe this means Jack is a friend, even if he sucks? But can you dislike a friend?

Roadie 🪶Jack If that sequences of words had any personal implications, he sure didn’t catch them! Busy catching this soap bottle. Honestly it’s a miracle he was still capable of that much. Don’t worry about all the times his gaze flickered over her shoulder at what turned out to be nothing. All normal here.

Asuksa can tell something is off with Jack, even for Jack, but she’s never been great at that stuff. If something is going on right now, she wouldn’t be able to explain it. She glances behind her, looking vaguely puzzled when nothing is there. Hm. This is now a “her” problem.

“Okay, seriously what is up with you? You keep fucking…” She doesn’t even know. Asuka pauses, letting out a groan. “You’re being weird. Like… Totes weird in a way that’s off for even you. There’s nothing behind me. What are you doing?” It’s not as though it’s freaking Asuka out slightly - that’d just be silly, right!?

Roadie 🪶Jack “Ya really know what you’re doin’, huh? Ha!”

"I obviously know what I’m doing more than you, mostly because I didn’t kill anybody and get caught. Like…If I’m gonna do something “wrong”, I’ll at least announce it’s me, y’know? I don’t hide things. …I can’t tell if you just suck at talking or you just, like…. Don’t feel super talky." She is squinting at Jack. Give her your secrets for no other reason than she wants them.

Roadie 🪶Jack

Asuka Fukuda Asuka stares at Jack for a few seconds, clearly unsure of what to say. To a lot of things.

Well, not like he wasn’t plenty used to that. Came with his esteemed level of incomprehensibility.

Asuka Fukuda “Um. Important things? Like the train, or like…”

“What, I’m not important enough to you?” Melodramatic sigh. “Not too interested in doin’ what the train wants, either. Got real garbage standards if ya ask me.”

Asuka Fukuda “You’re mean and kind of awful, but you at least address me. It’s, like, basic decency. …[Oh my gosh], you’re not the worst person here.”

Well, if being rude to her face was her standard, that was surprisingly hard to argue.

“Hey, ’s much higher than I ’xpected to rank! I’d like to thank Academy…”

Asuka Fukuda For a few brief seconds, Asuka has to reconsider their entire friendship. Are they friends? Is this actually friendship? They’re agreeing, which is something Asuka thinks is important. She had fun fighting him once she got over fearing for her life like some kind of loser. They’re having another whole conversation. …Maybe this means Jack is a friend, even if he sucks? But can you dislike a friend?

Beats him! Had Jack even had friends before? Probably not. Closest he ever really got was that, and there was no use thinking there’d be any repeats. At least, not without the same ending. Maybe friends would be different! Not that he cared. He still didn’t really get it.

Asuka Fukuda “Okay, seriously what is up with you? You keep [freaking]…”

“ ’s a long list.” Not that that was likely audible over Asuka’s groan, but it was a predictable enough response it probably didn’t need to be heard, anyway.

Asuka Fukuda “You’re being weird. Like… Totes weird in a way that’s off for even you. There’s nothing behind me. What are you doing?”

Oh hey, confirmation nothing was there. Oddly nice to have, even if it came at the price of, uh… people. At least this one in particular wasn’t so bad to hang around, but still. She’d still voted for him to die, or something, or whatever that had been. Hard to remember clearly and pretty pointless to, anyway. Nobody was looking out for him, what else was new? Welcome to life.

“…Communicating.” When in doubt, just keep making it weirder.

Asuka Fukuda "I obviously know what I’m doing more than you, mostly because I didn’t kill anybody and get caught. Like…If I’m gonna do something “wrong”, I’ll at least announce it’s me, y’know? I don’t hide things.

“See, hidin’ things is kinda my thing, so…”

“Who’dja kill and not get caught for, then?” Sure, that’s what she meant.

Having finally figured out the best way to keep flipping the bottle in his hand, he dutifully put it away and found a different, taller one. Heave-ho. For all his observational shortcomings, he still seemed to have no trouble with dexterity.

Asuka Fukuda …I can’t tell if you just suck at talking or you just, like…. Don’t feel super talky."

He laughed a little, to himself. Suck at talking, huh.

“ ’m talking perfectly fine? ’Less I’ve imagined this whole conversation.”

“Which’s possible, but I wouldn’t call it likely, yeah? Doubt I could completely invent your… sparkling personality.”

Asuka Fukuda

Roadie 🪶Jack “What, I’m not important enough to you?” Melodramatic sigh. “Not too interested in doin’ what the train wants, either. Got real garbage standards if ya ask me.”

The unimpressed expression on Asuka’s face speaks volumes. Still, she did bring this on herself, technically…Ugh, whatever!

“You think it could give us luxuries or something. It’s probably got a reason though, as stupid as that is. Like a….I dunno, management system? Weird train one.” None of that makes any sense, but it at least is better than accepting you know nothing, right?

Roadie 🪶Jack “Hey, ’s much higher than I ’xpected to rank! I’d like to thank Academy…”

Ugh. Asuka scoffs, although it’s mostly to hide the fact that actually makes her want to laugh. Jack doesn’t get those privileges in full yet. He’s still the murder hobo guy, and Asuka can’t fully accept him as a friend quite yet. Good company, sure, but not friends.

Roadie 🪶Jack “ ’s a long list.” Not that that was likely audible over Asuka’s groan, but it was a predictable enough response it probably didn’t need to be heard, anyway.

It did go unheard, unfortunately. A combination of “thinking heavily” and groaning led to Asuka being far too wrapped up in her own worries and opinions about Jack.

Roadie 🪶Jack Oh hey, confirmation nothing was there. Oddly nice to have, even if it came at the price of, uh… people. At least this one in particular wasn’t so bad to hang around, but still. She’d still voted for him to die, or something, or whatever that had been. Hard to remember clearly and pretty pointless to, anyway. Nobody was looking out for him, what else was new? Welcome to life.

The idea that Jack could even hold a grudge over that, or really consider that a problem, flew over Asuka’s head. As far as she was concerned, their dynamic was as follows: Asuka was the normal one who had done nothing wrong, and Jack was… Jack. That thought didn’t fully explain things, and Asuka still couldn’t tell if Jack being himself was a good thing or not. Nor did she really catch any relief or concern from him.

Roadie 🪶Jack “…Communicating.” When in doubt, just keep making it weirder.

“…Right. ’kay. I can pretend to believe that, if it makes your life easier.” The sarcasm could not be more apparent, although Asuka’s actually aware enough to assume Jack will act as though there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm. Or just deflect, y’know?

Roadie 🪶Jack “Who’dja kill and not get caught for, then?” Sure, that’s what she meant.

Having finally figured out the best way to keep flipping the bottle in his hand, he dutifully put it away and found a different, taller one. Heave-ho. For all his observational shortcomings, he still seemed to have no trouble with dexterity.

She’s only momentarily distracted by the bottle. It feels worth paying some attention to compared to Jack’s accusation, which gets an eye roll from Asuka.

“Oh, it was you in a past life! How else do you think I was able to defeat you in a fight so easily, hm? Haven’t changed a bit.” If Jack wants to banter a bit, then Asuka can keep up with that!

Roadie 🪶Jack “ ’m talking perfectly fine? ’Less I’ve imagined this whole conversation.”

…Or maybe overtake him? Asuka continues giving Jack an odd look, because that was such a lame response. She really expected better of him here. Morals? No. Quips? Absolutely.

"You’re not talking “perfectly fine” at all! You’re being vague, and dancing around stuff. That’s, like, def not cool. And! And and and! You’re just…" What’s the word? What does Asuka want to say? Even she’s not sure, giving up and making a vague gesture with a neutral face of displeasure. It’s all she has.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Which’s possible, but I wouldn’t call it likely, yeah? Doubt I could completely invent your… sparkling personality.”

“You can recognize that, but not if this convo is real for sure? At least you’re not totally hopeless, I guess. Besides the murder thing, and the fight thing where you lost a lot, you’re pretty okayish. Sort of.” High praise from Asuka, all things considered!

“…What personality do you think you’d give me if I was made up, huh? A pushover? You’re kind of implying it, I think.”

Roadie 🪶Jack

Asuka Fukuda “You think it could give us luxuries or something.

Jack raised an eyebrow before pausing to gesture at the store with the bottle in his hand.

“This not luxuries? Not just car after car of ’em, but there’s plenty if you’re actually looking.”

“Plenty tryin’ to take it away, too, but. Just means you gotta hang on tighter, yeah?” Because that totally worked in this car. Well, he had been able to fight for some of his supplies back. Counted for something.

Asuka Fukuda The idea that Jack could even hold a grudge over that, or really consider that a problem, flew over Asuka’s head. As far as she was concerned, their dynamic was as follows: Asuka was the normal one who had done nothing wrong, and Jack was… Jack. That thought didn’t fully explain things, and Asuka still couldn’t tell if Jack being himself was a good thing or not. Nor did she really catch any relief or concern from him.

A fair assessment! Jack wouldn’t necessarily call it a grudge or a problem, though—just how life worked. Nothing personnel, kid. Implying life was nothing but problems, but, well. He’d had a couple.

Asuka Fukuda “…Right. ’kay. I can pretend to believe that, if it makes your life easier.”

“Aww, well I appreciate that so much,” he said in a voice so sickly sweet it took on… some kind of accent. Not quite Southern, just… something.

Asuka Fukuda “Oh, it was you in a past life! How else do you think I was able to defeat you in a fight so easily, hm? Haven’t changed a bit.”

“Ohh, of course. I remember now. I ‘s a slug, right? Y’ ever get me off the bottom of your shoes, ’r did I forever ruin ’em?” He’d just ignore the rest of what she’d said.

Asuka Fukuda “You’re not talking “perfectly fine” at all! You’re being vague, and dancing around stuff. That’s, like, def not cool. And! And and and! You’re just…”

…Oh, that’s what she meant by talking. Okay. Made sense.

“Infuriating?” he offered.

“ ’s wrong with dancing, though? Makes things more fun, doesn’t it? ‘r what, you hopin’ I’ll spill my whole tragic backstory here?”

“Certainly not for free.”

Asuka Fukuda “You can recognize that, but not if this convo is real for sure? At least you’re not totally hopeless, I guess. Besides the murder thing, and the fight thing where you lost a lot, you’re pretty okayish. Sort of.” High praise from Asuka, all things considered!

Unfortunately, the high praise only got a brief laugh out of him. What? Saying he wasn’t totally hopeless was just hilarious.

Asuka Fukuda “…What personality do you think you’d give me if I was made up, huh? A pushover? You’re kind of implying it, I think.”

“Imagine so. ’s not like I can come up with that many different angles all by my lonesome.”

“Hate arguin’ with myself, anyway, y’know? I always lose.”

Asuka Fukuda

Roadie 🪶Jack “This not luxuries? Not just car after car of ’em, but there’s plenty if you’re actually looking.”

Asuka glances around the car with disdain. It is very easy to forget, sometimes, that she actually has high standards despite how she acts. She settles for just rolling her eyes.

“Um, no? This stuff is cheap as hell. I doubt it actually would sell for that much if it weren’t for, like, mall priceups. Not that they’re expensive for me, but, y’know~”

Asuka can show pity for those not quite as fortunate and cool as she was. Not everybody can be self-made or whatever, right?

“Besides, why hang on to stuff when you can just get it? Seriously, don’t lower your standards or whatever. …If they can be lowered.” With Jack, she’s honestly not sure if that’s possible. Then again, everybody has their own price. It just can be much weirder for some people than others.

Roadie 🪶Jack A fair assessment! Jack wouldn’t necessarily call it a grudge or a problem, though—just how life worked. Nothing personnel, kid. Implying life was nothing but problems, but, well. He’d had a couple.

At least she wasn’t doing that with somebody who’d genuinely start a fistfight with her, hm? It could always be worse.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Aww, well I appreciate that so much,” he said in a voice so sickly sweet it took on… some kind of accent. Not quite Southern, just… something.

“…You clearly aren’t actually appreciating my amazing advice. At all. Or me being nice. Seriously, people get so nasty about me being mean, but the moment I try it, I get this.” Some people would be jealous you get a whole Jack to talk to, Asuka. “What kind of accent was that anyways?” She wants answers.

Roadie 🪶Jack “ ’s wrong with dancing, though? Makes things more fun, doesn’t it? ‘r what, you hopin’ I’ll spill my whole tragic backstory here?”

The sad thing is, anybody else would instantly recognize the layer of sarcasm/deflection here. Asuka isn’t that person though, and so she just gives Jack a pitying look. Either way, it’s kind of sad, isn’t it?

“Not really. Just say what you mean instead of being a bitch about it -even if that means dissing the hell out of a person. What do you lose from it, hm? Nobody’s really going to care. Or, if they do, it’s their problem, y’know?”

There’s a slight pause.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Certainly not for free.”

“How much are you charging?” Simple teenage curiosity, it’d appear, wins in the end.

Roadie 🪶Jack “Imagine so. ’s not like I can come up with that many different angles all by my lonesome.”

Roadie 🪶Jack “Hate arguin’ with myself, anyway, y’know? I always lose.”

“…I think you owe me money or like… damage money or something. I feel sad just listening to that. It is sad overall. You’re making a teenager listen to your problems and self-esteem issues.” It’s clearly just talk, judging by the little smirk on Asuka’s face.

“Glad to know I’m so memorable and unique that you have to admit I’m real 100%-o. I’m pretty sure you’re real too. I wouldn’t make somebody like you up. You’re too…you? I guess?”

Roadie 🪶Jack

Asuka Fukuda “Um, no? This stuff is cheap as [heck]. I doubt it actually would sell for that much if it weren’t for, like, mall priceups. Not that they’re expensive for me, but, y’know~ […] Besides, why hang on to stuff when you can just get it? Seriously, don’t lower your standards or whatever. …If they can be lowered.”

Wow, go off. Jack didn’t look terribly impressed with Asuka’s attitude in this particular context, but it’s not like he ever looked that approving, anyway.

“What, ya got some special service that’ll ship to any car on the train? Not somethin’ money can buy, not here. Think it’s your standards that need adjustin’ if you’re gonna survive.”

“Or are ya planning to get back home ’fore you really gotta worry ‘bout it? Ready t’ kill somebody for some better hand soap?”

Asuka Fukuda “…You clearly aren’t actually appreciating my amazing advice. At all. Or me being nice. Seriously, people get so nasty about me being mean, but the moment I try it, I get this.”

“No worries, I just don’t appreciate anybody! Not worth the trouble, y’know? Be gone again soon enough.”

Asuka Fukuda “What kind of accent was that anyways?”

He froze briefly but resumed the whatever-product-he-was-flipping without too much pause. Still more likely to be noticed than if he’d had all cylinders firing.

But surely he hadn’t slipped up that much. He had a very finely maintained regionless American accent, thank you very much. Never had anything else. Ever.

“Whatever felt right? Iunno. Been a lotta places, heard a lotta voices.”

Asuka Fukuda “Not really. Just say what you mean instead of being a [bench] about it -even if that means dissing the [heck] out of a person. What do you lose from it, hm? Nobody’s really going to care. Or, if they do, it’s their problem, y’know?”

He attempted to parse that fully, failed, then lost track of the fact he’d failed. It was enough of a grip to go on, everything’s fine.

“So, I should be a b-tch either way, just don’t lie? That’s a new one! Refreshing! Still not my thing.”

Asuka Fukuda “How much are you charging?”

He whistled. Best to play the situation to the specific audience.

“Oh, I doubt ya could afford that. ’r how much you got?”

Asuka Fukuda You’re making a teenager listen to your problems and self-esteem issues.”

“Issues?” Excuse you, his self-esteem was exactly where it was supposed to be.

“No, see, th’ joke’s that I also always win. Sorry, may’a overestimated my audience there.”

Asuka Fukuda “Glad to know I’m so memorable and unique that you have to admit I’m real 100%-o. I’m pretty sure you’re real too. I wouldn’t make somebody like you up. You’re too…you? I guess?”

“Oh, I’d be real concerned if y’ managed to make me up!”

“But yeah, sure, that works. Careful, ’r I might actually remember your name in another month ’r two.”