[bullying + self deprecation ment]
Abel Lazarus Well! Abel’s seen people have friends they have to keep separated! He knows it Is possible and at current neither seems to be Asking him to choose sides- so ultimately, as it stands- no. Asking him to pick sides will make this already precarious situation messier for sure- so we can only Hope Abel won’t live long enough to have to make a decision.
No one ask him about the long term plans here, though.
Vinzent won’t even dare to try even if… Even if… No, don’t think about it. It’s his fault after all. What if she was right, huh?
He… Doesn’t add anything there.
Abel Lazarus “Vinzent-“ He makes a steadying gesture with his hands- not too unlike the way a horse girl approaches the feral horse she meets in the woods outside her family ranch. Except this situation is not the same thing and Vinzent may well hate that. “Calm down. Take a breath.”
He doesn’t. Fully know what to do- but Vinzent likes being held, right? Abel’s sure he’s got a hug in him- so he very slowly and carefully moves to wrap his arms around Vinzent for a brief but firm hug. He won’t finish it if Vinzent rejects it- or just seems to not want it- but the offer is there.
Vinzent… Has… Been so terrified of doing one wrong move that he didn’t dare to look at Abel after his self-hatred speech. So, he didn’t… Notice the gesture meant to help him. Which is… Is a good thing, maybe. A very good thing, because he’d probably freak out further, as people at his highschool have told him to calm down with a gesture meant to hush him down, first before anything.
First before they’d deal with Paul’s lies. First because Vinzent always raised his voice in anger once pushed too far enough. First, because he has been provoked more often than enough to throw the first punch to retailate, only to be overpowered. And the lies and lies and lies they eat up- The many times he’s been sent to the principal’s office to get a lecturing, a suspension, or a fucking stupid excuse letter he had to write the same line 20, 40 times, the many times he fought to finally hold this asshole accountable, only to be dismissed every. Single. Time. And the joy Paul got when he got away with it perfectly. So he’d torment Vinzent further and further, scaring him in silence… To break him.
However… This isn’t the same thing here. As soon as he heard what Abel said…
Take a breath.
Take… A breath? The… He… He froze at the hug. Vinzent was so deeply convinced because of what Viper said that he’d ruin it. That he’d hurt Abel for real. That Abel would turn his back on him soon enough.
But he didn’t want to be lonely… Without realizing it, he rested his hand on Abel’s, while tears upon tears fell on his face.
Abel Lazarus “You’re not going to do that.” He rubs his back softly. “I’m not going to lie and say this isn’t… a screw up- but I don’t think you were trying to be malicious. I don’t think you’re a bad person for it.”
After all- a core belief of Abel’s Catholicism is the idea that all humans are flawed and will make mistakes. Maybe he’s not so good at thinking everyone other than him should have to suffer for those same mistakes, though.
And while he can’t fix things between Vinzent and Viper- and he can’t say he thinks it’s a good idea to try- he also can’t say he looks at Vinzent and sees someone unredeemable. It’s a hard line to even cross since he can’t even say he thinks Jack is unredeemable anymore.
“Breath, okay?”
Not… Poisoning his existence? Vinzent was… On one hand, he was grateful that Abel doesn’t think of him that way, on the other, with his current freak-out, it was hard to not push away the possibility of it being real. Oh, he knows he screwed up horribly- Wait, what…?
Not… A bad person…? But he’s a coward. He’s like an insect drawn to the flames- Insignifiant enough but running towards danger, destruction, things he shouldn’t have known. He… His search for answers led him here. The frustration he piled up and up and up- He definitely wasn’t trying to be malicious, that said.
“I… I… I got… So frustrated at- at not understanding her. B-b-because… How come c-can she freely ask questions about a guy’s personal life so much but she won’t fucking explain herself..? How come can she think she’s allowed to hide so much things about herself but shamelessly rumage through others’ personal lives to a T? She’s…”
Even if he’s been told by Viper herself that she was attacked in the past. Even if Abel told him that she didn’t feel safe with him knowing her name… It didn’t feel fair. Vinzent would have let it be had Viper not been snopping through others’ personal lives. He’d have left her alone. Little did he know that he endangered her safety by searching things around, to find answers to explain her behavior, her… World outlook.
“SHE’S A FUCKING HYPOCRITE.”
And an asshole.
… But if Viper is this close to Abel as she so claims…
Vinzent’s not worried about telling Abel what he knows but… He’s worried that the act of telling him will make Abel leave him. After his outburst, he took a few minutes to calm down, even as it was hard, even as tears blurred his vision. He had enough of her bullshit, honestly.
“W.. Would… I… Should… Say I only. Read two books about her. Her… Her grandmother. And… Her former highschool teacher. I s-stopped afterwards because I didn’t… Need to know what kind of shit she might have done afterwards. Or what else happened.”
But he had a hunch. Even with his deseperate hunger for answers, he felt that going for a third book would be going way too far. And going for two was already getting him to play with fire, that threatened to get bigger and bigger and bigger-
To destroy him. And everyone else.
At this point, he’s convinced that the only way to spare everyone is to hide himself. To not exist around so freely anymore.
Because, he too, was an asshole. Good intentions mean nothing in here if he’s just going to ruin things.
But he still didn’t want to be lonely. He wants Abel to be around, if he had been asked for just one person to spend the rest of his life with.
Abel is flawed, yes. Abel undoubtly has been an asshole a few times, yes. Vinzent knows. Nobody here is a perfect angel, everyone always make mistakes and Abel isn’t different, he isn’t exceptional. There’s been quite a few times where Abel did upset Vinzent with his actions, but Vinzent never found the courage to tell him, even if what Abel has done was similar to what Viper had done (namely the penchant for fighting, which… Hardly surprises Vinzent anymore, but he worries. He worries that one of them will fuck it up so bad and pay for it. Not just Abel, but Viper too.) And Vinzent probably never will, if it meant to keep his friendship with him intact.
(See? He’s a coward until the end. He wishes he could do so much more to help Abel be a better person… He didn’t know how. He didn’t know if he’s doing enough.)
But… Abel didn’t deliberately and constantly fuck around to find about others’ personal lives only to hide his own life that much, did he?
They can’t be a copy of each other. It’s impossible.
Vinzent keeps it quiet. Maybe one day, he’ll have enough courage. But not now. Not… Ever probably. He doesn’t think he can help, he feels he’s going to ruin things. Again.
Soon, he should really just hide, for everyone’s sake. Maybe… Maybe if Abel keeps looking for him, Vinzent will let him in.
But carefully. Very carefully.
For now… He’ll take what he has right now.
