Abel Lazarus Vinzent could definitely carefully pull something more clear from Abel. That he simply doesn’t feel ready to try and unpack romance considering his own self worth issues and how highlighted his issues have been. How highlighted his mother’s issues had been. The L word unnerves him at the best of times but platonic I love yous are easy enough to ignore.
Romantic ones start a panic. A feeling that he’s expected to know and understand so much at the drop of a hat.
He feels like in his state- even if he did know for sure what he felt- he couldn’t be the sort of person anyone deserves to tie themselves to in that manner. What if he’s terrible? Only does more harm? He’d just rather put it on pause.
So friendship is what he’s got to offer. Until he can make it through all of that.
That’s kind of the problem here, Vinzent doesn’t know how. But he’ll try. Platonically, he could say that. But. The fact of the matter is the word ‘love’… Is a little too associated with his old feelings, his old concept that… It’s rough to make a distinction. It’s not that he hasn’t said ‘I love you’ in a platonic way before. Just less frequently. And physical affection was more of his thing.
The I love you was… Reserved for more intimacy, passion even. … He wants to kick his dumb feelings away in a box. Could he say ‘I love you’ platonically someday? Who knows. For now.
For now, he’ll take what Abel offers him, no hesitation. He can let go of his own feelings a bit. For Abel’s sake.
Abel Lazarus Abel feels… Something about it alright. Not something positive obviously but he can’t really pin the exact emotion. Somber? Perhaps.
There’s a near point where Vinzent could spiral down in his self deprecation spiel again. But would it help? No, absolutely not. It just so happen that it has changed because of everything here. So, he holds back, he pushes away his negative thoughts, as much as he can help.
Abel Lazarus “I’ll keep her away, so don’t worry about that.” It’s not like he wasn’t noticing the tension when they all stood around Jack’s unconscious body. He can only imagine it’s worse now. If they must all gather again- he can just… Keep them apart. Act as a shield. What a mighty precarious situation he’s found himself in.
For now he can just. Hope for the best.
“… Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?” Best to offer. To let him get what he needs out.
“Okay… Thanks.” For his own good and her’s.
Anything else…?
…
“I… Am just glad that the only book I found relating to myself… Was about my elementary school art teacher. A kind man. I don’t know, that was the first thought that crossed my mind. I could have looked for my grandparents… But we weren’t super, super close. I kinda forgot about them.”
Isn’t it kind of funny how… Relieved he is that his bully is alive? And not here tormenting him? This would have driven him even more mad.
…. On the other hand, after this car, Vinzent lowkey hoped Paul eats shit one way or another. Stop existing in his mind!
Anyway.
“But uh… Yeah, my teacher was that one who believed in me to continue doing what I love. And the reason I keep drawing today, that I have the job of my dreams. Even if… Some shit happened in between, like after elementary school…”
A small smile.
“When I remember my teacher, I just remember how much he’s been encouraging me to reach for my dreams. To let my creativity grow. … I don’t wanna lose that. … Um, I know I drew you before in… A, uh. Different context. But would it bother you if I drew you sometimes again even just for fun? If it does, I’ll stop. I just… I just am itching to draw something, but I dunno what. It’s been… Rough to not have inspiration.”
… Or maybe it’s because he wants to have something concrete to remember Abel by, should… Anything happen. (He shouldn’t think of the worst. But thinking that Abel isn’t at danger of dying at any time would be the biggest lie Vinzent would tell to himself ever.)
Maybe a little drawing with a thank you note for the friendship would suffice. For now, he’ll wait if Abel agrees to it. If not… Vinzent will understand.
