Withering | Vinzent + Abel | Library Car

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer He… He froze at the hug.

The freeze makes Abel pull away a little quicker- not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

Vinzent Mayer “SHE’S A FUCKING HYPOCRITE.”

“… I’m not exactly going to disagree.” He’s starting this carefully. “… But there’s a good reason she isn’t sharing about herself. She shouldn’t be digging in- but she’s in actual Danger if people know the things she tries to hide about herself. It’s not fair- but her safety… Doesn’t deserve to be risked just to even a score.”

He thinks through what he’s planning to say very carefully.

“… I’m not going to say she’s right in what she’s doing. She’s definitely… making bad choices for someone who expects others to stay out of their business- but her… Situation isn’t exactly the same.” And he does thing that that difference matters to some extent- especially since she’s not the only person snooping in the group.

She just happens to seem to be the only one directly endangered by people knowing personal details of hers.

Vinzent Mayer “W.. Would… I… Should… Say I only. Read two books about her. Her… Her grandmother. And… Her former highschool teacher. I s-stopped afterwards because I didn’t… Need to know what kind of shit she might have done afterwards. Or what else happened.”

Those are probably people that can’t actually tell Vinzent the riskiest things- but he’ll have to tell Viper and… See what she thinks.

But. Still.

He’s really… not sure what to do now. How to help.

Either of them. He wishes they’d both just listened to him saying they should stay away from each other.

“… Can you tell me what all they told you?” He’s careful.

Vinzent Mayer But… Abel didn’t deliberately and constantly fuck around to find about others’ personal lives only to hide his own life that much, did he?

Well! Important to consider he can’t hide his own life as much as he sometimes would like to- but really that might be helping him to have a better point to build from. He’s making an effort to better himself now- but he’s still… Himself.

And that’s not always a positive thing.

But he’s doing his best. That is really all we can give him. He wants to help both Viper and Vinzent.

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus The freeze makes Abel pull away a little quicker- not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

Which is understandable… Vinzent still rests his hand on Abel’s. Just for a moment longer.

Abel Lazarus “… I’m not exactly going to disagree.” He’s starting this carefully. “… But there’s a good reason she isn’t sharing about herself. She shouldn’t be digging in- but she’s in actual Danger if people know the things she tries to hide about herself. It’s not fair- but her safety… Doesn’t deserve to be risked just to even a score.”

He’s silent… He does want to know what it is. But after a long moment of thought, Vinzent seemed to be a little more calm. But still pissed off.

Does he want to deliberately endanger Viper? Absolutely not.

So… Maybe… Maybe it was a good thing he stopped at two books. It was already a lot. And if she was in actual danger way sooner because of what he has done? He’d definitely feel horrible.

“… Okay. I understand. ’m sorry.”

Abel Lazarus “… I’m not going to say she’s right in what she’s doing. She’s definitely… making bad choices for someone who expects others to stay out of their business- but her… Situation isn’t exactly the same.” And he does think that that difference matters to some extent- especially since she’s not the only person snooping in the group.

“… Yeah. Okay.” There’s still a bitter taste in his mouth, but… He felt a lot more guilty than usual. He really screwed things up so bad.

Abel Lazarus “… Can you tell me what all they told you?” He’s careful.

“Um… Lemme see… Her grandmother told me about her family. About both her parents. It.. Essentially, they are just an ordinary happy family. And I know her grandma only has kindness to say about Viper, which considering the timeline… Is understandable and… She… told me that if I see M-Viper… That she hopes that Viper is doing well and that she loves her. I mean I know she just knew her by her real name but uh. Yeah. A really sweet lady. I just… Feel bad.”

“As for the teacher… He told me that she mostly kept to herself, and befriended a girl called… Kanna? Viper… Fought so much with people who caused Kanna trouble.”

“… And he told me that he suspected Viper was behind the school mass server shutdown. But before that, she was tetchy, he said. And she worked with an unfamiliar code. That’s. When I knew I had to stop after talking to the teacher. Because I knew I was getting in an even more dangerous territory. That’s when I decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. And I tried to apologize to Viper for my past actions but… I slipped up.”

“I wish I didn’t do that. I know I’m a fucking asshole, that… Is true. I just… I really am just going to hide from everyone, to make sure nobody else will know. To make sure I won’t exist nearby. I… I’m. That’s why I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt you too. She… Wants to cling to you and… I don’t want to hurt you too.”

Selfish but true. If Viper was so insistent on clinging to Abel… Maybe it was for the best that Vinzent leaves Abel alone, even if it hurts.

But he wants to see Abel again and again, just… It’s going to be much harder now, is it not? Can Abel even find him elsewhere? Safe and sound?

That’s why Vinzent was terrified. That he was going to poison Abel’s existence. Because Vinzent knew too much.

But if Abel is going to be stubborn in seeing Vinzent?

… Vinzent won’t say no, but he’ll be so worried.

He could only do so much to be a good person and he still screwed up things so bad. Horribly bad.

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer “… Okay. I understand. ’m sorry.”

He pats Vinzent’s hand in response.

Vinzent Mayer “I wish I didn’t do that. I know I’m a fucking asshole, that… Is true. I just… I really am just going to hide from everyone, to make sure nobody else will know. To make sure I won’t exist nearby. I… I’m. That’s why I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt you too. She… Wants to cling to you and… I don’t want to hurt you too.”

… “I don’t think you should isolate yourself. I don’t really think it’s… going to help.” … He’s pretty bad about isolating personally but his brief desperate attempt to isolate himself here… Did not go well and he honestly regrets it looking back.

… He regrets all of his attempts to isolate himself. How much did any of that mean when he spent years in his room?

He fiddles with his pant leg.

“… I wouldn’t say she’s clinging to me.” More like they’re in an interesting situation where they both can hold the other accountable in a way maybe no one else can. Perhaps he’s been a little lax on her recently- but admittedly he thinks it’s best to let her exit ’I’m in danger’ mode before he really sits her down and brings this up. Kind of hard to criticize someone mid crisis.

He can’t really say he handled Asuka criticizing him with Ramona and Solanus around… well. Sure her point got across but he feels so much Worse about it. Then again, she didn’t really owe him to be ideal about it. He does owe Viper that.

“… At least not anymore than maybe I’m clinging to her. We all sort of cling to people- that’s… Not bad.” Not necessarily! “… I think you… should cut yourself some slack. It’s okay to make mistakes. You… Didn’t think I was a lost cause for my screw ups. Why should you be for yours?” …………. Listen To Yourself Abel. PLEASE.

“Maybe Viper won’t forgive you- but that doesn’t mean you have nothing left to offer anyone. I know bad people Vinzent, and you’re not one of them. I don’t… Think Bad people usually even care when they do mess up.” LISTEN TO YOURSELF ABEL.

“… I’ve seen some truly awful things. I’ve seen people who’ve done awful things find their way forward. It’s… Hard- but. It’s better to learn and grow from a mistake, you know? Give yourself a chance.”

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus He pats Vinzent’s hand in response.

That got a tiny smile from Vinzent. It… He’s just.

…

Abel Lazarus … “I don’t think you should isolate yourself. I don’t really think it’s… going to help.” … He’s pretty bad about isolating personally but his brief desperate attempt to isolate himself here… Did not go well and he honestly regrets it looking back.

But what if he just brings misfortune again? What if he fucks up again? It’s not that Vinzent doesn’t want to listen to Abel’s words, but he worries that he’s going to bring more misery than needed.

So, with a small, low voice, he speaks again.

“… Are you sure…?” It sounded so unconfident. So… Unsure of himself.

Abel Lazarus “… I wouldn’t say she’s clinging to me.” More like they’re in an interesting situation where they both can hold the other accountable in a way maybe no one else can. Perhaps he’s been a little lax on her recently- but admittedly he thinks it’s best to let her exit ’I’m in danger’ mode before he really sits her down and brings this up. Kind of hard to criticize someone mid crisis.

But the way Viper worded it to Vinzent… It bothers him. It was a threat. That said, he kind of did the same thing to her, didn’t he? That if she hurts Abel again… But that was because Vinzent was worried it’d happen again.

God. Fuck this shitty situation. Vinzent doesn’t… Necessarily hate Viper that much to wish her nothing but misery, but he comes pretty close to it due to how much bullshit she made him endure with her hypocrisy. And his cowardice for not bringing it up enough. And… How little he did to fix anything when he’d rather run away. And.. Then his recent fuck-up.

It. Just felt unfair. Overall. He doesn’t know anymore.

That said, yeah, Vinzent would agree that criticizing someone in a middle of a crisis is pretty unadvised. But he doesn’t know everything.

Abel Lazarus “… At least not anymore than maybe I’m clinging to her. We all sort of cling to people- that’s… Not bad.” Not necessarily! “… I think you… should cut yourself some slack. It’s okay to make mistakes. You… Didn’t think I was a lost cause for my screw ups. Why should you be for yours?” …………. Listen To Yourself Abel. PLEASE.

… That’s not bad, indeed. It happens. But… It feels so lonely.

There’s a small what about me that escaped his throat but, he shut himself up pretty quickly. What is he to Abel, really…? Vinzent should know the answer but, the hesitation, the fear, it all clouded his thoughts. His rationality.

… Abel should really listens to himself, but anyway.

“We… I… You’re right… I…”

Abel Lazarus “Maybe Viper won’t forgive you- but that doesn’t mean you have nothing left to offer anyone. I know bad people Vinzent, and you’re not one of them. I don’t… Think Bad people usually even care when they do mess up.” LISTEN TO YOURSELF ABEL.

Abel I’m begging you-

“… What do I give to you, then?… I just wanna know your honest answer.” Honestly, he doesn’t really care if there’s no romantic thoughts or anything to give right now, because. A) He’s still a fucking wreck about it. and B) this isn’t the time to deal with it again in the Books About Dead People Car.

Vinzent regrets saying things earlier. Even if it was out of concern… It… Wasn’t the right time. He just didn’t know what to say, what to do. And now, he feels a little worse about it. But thankfully…? Not enough to constantly beat himself up about it. He just has… To find the right time and place for it, next time.

… If there’s a next time.

Abel Lazarus “… I’ve seen some truly awful things. I’ve seen people who’ve done awful things find their way forward. It’s… Hard- but. It’s better to learn and grow from a mistake, you know? Give yourself a chance.”

It’s hard. Indeed it is, because the amount of times he feels so undervalued, not listened to, scared into silence under the threat of more harm… Only for someone to get away without consequences for most of it, while he himself lived in fear of speaking up…

… He never really learned how to properly deal with an upsetting situation like this one, he thinks.

……

“… Okay. Will… Will you see me often? Sometimes? It’s not… That I don’t want to seek you out but… I frankly feel I just made some dumb choices that made it unsafe for me to be around… I don’t know. I’m… Not going to push you away if you seek me out, though. I just… I’m going to try to not isolate myself, but just…”

Help me learn how to deal with all of this. Please.

“I’m… Gonna listen to what you said, and… I will. Take note. I… Am going to learn from this and… Try my best…?”

He hated how unconfident he sounded, how much it has been eaten away since he stepped in this train.

But if there’s one thing Vinzent wants to try for good this time, it’s definitely to listen to Abel for once, and not following his own emotional outbursts throughly or whatever the fuck it has been going on in him.

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer “… Are you sure…?” It sounded so unconfident. So… Unsure of himself.

He nods to the affirmative.

Vinzent Mayer There’s a small what about me that escaped his throat but, he shut himself up pretty quickly.

Ahaha Abel has pretty good perception. He Hears this and it… Well he’s…

What can he Say? Vinzent is a friend- yes. But Viper is… His best friend. Perhaps their relationship isn’t… The healthiest- but he’s willing to put that work in.

And Abel definitely thrives in at least slightly dysfunctional relationships. How could be not? Just one look around at the modeled relationships in his life tells you he doesn’t understand what a relationship without the discord could be like. Even the healthiest relationships he’s seen- that of his father and his step dad- has it’s moments where they’re just such different people they need to work extra hard to keep things running.

And it’s not like Abel is going to shy away from picking the options that make him work for what he wants.

“… You’re a friend.” It’s all he can promise. It’s all he can offer.

Vinzent Mayer “… What do I give to you, then?… I just wanna know your honest answer.”

Well the thing about this is that even if Viper asked it he’d not be sure what to say. What do people give him? He has no grip on what that means or the sort of response expected in return.

It’s a hard question to answer when you’re not exactly… Aware in that sort of way? He focuses more on the burden he is to others- and what he’s done to lighten that load. How he’s served them. What is he to say of what they offer him without having to count the ways he feels he’s a burden to them? They listen? Well perhaps they shouldn’t have to. They hold him? They certainly shouldn’t have to.

The get him? Well isn’t that just the worst thing anyone should ever be able to do.

“… Friendship.” It’s a start Abel. “It’s nice to talk to you. I like doing it.” He half shrugs. “… You’re nice Vinzent.” Hopefully it’s clear enough he’s… stilted because of the awkwardness he generally possesses when it comes to emotion based topics.

Vinzent Mayer “… Okay. Will… Will you see me often? Sometimes? It’s not… That I don’t want to seek you out but… I frankly feel I just made some dumb choices that made it unsafe for me to be around… I don’t know. I’m… Not going to push you away if you seek me out, though. I just… I’m going to try to not isolate myself, but just…”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t hesitate. “… Just. Know that… You’re not generally unsafe to be around. Sometimes specific people are just… Going to take your actions differently. I’m going to talk to Viper about… Things. When she’s…” Not having a panic attack? Not actively in fight or flight? Well saying either doesn’t sound good and might not be information Viper wants confirmed so he sort of lets his sentence break off for a moment. “… More ready to understand.”

Vinzent Mayer “I’m… Gonna listen to what you said, and… I will. Take note. I… Am going to learn from this and… Try my best…?”

He pats his shoulder comfortingly. “… I know she’s not making the most sense right now- and that’s not really fair. I’m sorry.” He also knows he’s probably the worst person to be doing this go between too. “But… Don’t… Think… That whatever is happening between you two… Cancels out that other people can care about you.”

Well, Abel, do you think you’ll listen to any of that Advice?

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus He nods to the affirmative.

Vinzent takes note of it.

Abel Lazarus And Abel definitely thrives in at least slightly dysfunctional relationships. How could be not? Just one look around at the modeled relationships in his life tells you he doesn’t understand what a relationship without the discord could be like. Even the healthiest relationships he’s seen- that of his father and his step dad- has it’s moments where they’re just such different people they need to work extra hard to keep things running.

And it’s not like Abel is going to shy away from picking the options that make him work for what he wants.

“… You’re a friend.” It’s all he can promise. It’s all he can offer.

Stop wishing for more, be content that he at least cares about you enough to not be just acquintances.

A friend… A friend…. He’s not upset by it, at all! Vinzent just doesn’t really like that his feelings are a hot mess right now. But… His rational side is slowly coming back to him, to make him think. And…

Abel Lazarus “… Friendship.” It’s a start Abel. “It’s nice to talk to you. I like doing it.” He half shrugs. “… You’re nice Vinzent.” Hopefully it’s clear enough he’s… stilted because of the awkwardness he generally possesses when it comes to emotion based topics.

You know, this has been the kindest thing he has heard. For a long time. While maybe his less rational side would have wanted for more, his rational side won over this time. And… It’s okay, he tells to himself. Abel is here, he cares. And this isn’t going to change. No matter how much digging Vinzent has to go through his own feelings… There’s one thing he knows: Abel tells the truth. And even with the awkwardness, Vinzent understands it enough. So, he’ll work through his own feelings while he can and will do his best to give what Abel needs: friendship. Vinzent has plenty of affection in that regard, so he can… Try to redirect it better.

So with a soft smile, he looks up at Abel.

“… Thank you, I want it to stay that way then. I… Definitely like spending time with you as well.”

Abel Lazarus “Yeah.” He doesn’t hesitate. “… Just. Know that… You’re not generally unsafe to be around. Sometimes specific people are just… Going to take your actions differently. I’m going to talk to Viper about… Things. When she’s…” Not having a panic attack? Not actively in fight or flight? Well saying either doesn’t sound good and might not be information Viper wants confirmed so he sort of lets his sentence break off for a moment. “… More ready to understand.”

For a moment, Vinzent does not interrupt, he listens from the start to the end. The lack of hesitation at the question… Reassured him. Then… Yeah. He figured it was going to be that, but Vinzent didn’t think it’d be this bad. It’s… Man.

Even with the lack of information that Vinzent purposefully has done so to himself for her sake, even with no more context except the one time Viper told him she was attacked (which is a long time ago), he could only guess something definitely happened to her around or after that time. While he’d have liked to know more to help her, he’s sure that it’d just be more dangerous for nothing. He has already taken a big risk snooping around, and his emotional side drove him to here, so…

Boy. Anyway, he’ll have to answer to Abel.

“Okay… Thank you, again. I’ll… Leave it to you then.” A squeeze of Abel’s hand before he lets it be for now.

Abel Lazarus He pats his shoulder comfortingly. “… I know she’s not making the most sense right now- and that’s not really fair. I’m sorry.” He also knows he’s probably the worst person to be doing this go between too. “But… Don’t… Think… That whatever is happening between you two… Cancels out that other people can care about you.”

Well, Abel, do you think you’ll listen to any of that Advice?

Then the shoulder pat got a small smile from Vinzent.

He stopped smiling as Abel spoke, and… He’s glad Abel agrees it’s not fair. But then… The next part… He hopes it stays true. Isn’t it true? Viper can say whatever she wants, Abel won’t leave his side.

… The fear still lingers. That one day, what’s not true may become true. However… Vinzent can and will work to avoid that happening, the best he can. And he’ll happily take Abel’s friendship right now. Because Vinzent cares so much.

… One day, he’ll have enough courage to help Abel more. Maybe.

… He wonders how’s his number now. With all the turmoil he dealt with and… The… things he said.

And Abel has already seen his previous number, Vinzent willingly showed it to him a while ago. So… Fuck it, he’ll check now, and Abel is able to see it from the angle, so.

…

……

Somehow, he isn’t that shocked. That it has gone up, from two to three digits. He just wonders how the heck did it take so long to change. Was it because of the cumulation of everything in him? Maybe. Is it going to be worse? Is it going to go lower again at some point someday? Who the fuck knows.

… Guess he’ll just try to not sink down any further. He got a friend who cares about him… And maybe one more friend…?

Wouldn’t it be awfully funny that they’re also both connected to the girl he likes the least in this group.

(It’s not. It’s awful. But he can take his distance from her now, and just talk to both Abel and Matsu as he pleases… So as long as Viper isn’t around. Their connections to her shouldn’t mean anything to Vinzent in the end. The four of them are their own persons in the end, so…)

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer So, he’ll work through his own feelings while he can and will do his best to give what Abel needs: friendship. Vinzent has plenty of affection in that regard, so he can… Try to redirect it better.

Vinzent could definitely carefully pull something more clear from Abel. That he simply doesn’t feel ready to try and unpack romance considering his own self worth issues and how highlighted his issues have been. How highlighted his mother’s issues had been. The L word unnerves him at the best of times but platonic I love yous are easy enough to ignore.

Romantic ones start a panic. A feeling that he’s expected to know and understand so much at the drop of a hat.

He feels like in his state- even if he did know for sure what he felt- he couldn’t be the sort of person anyone deserves to tie themselves to in that manner. What if he’s terrible? Only does more harm? He’d just rather put it on pause.

So friendship is what he’s got to offer. Until he can make it through all of that.

Vinzent Mayer That it has gone up, from two to three digits.

Abel feels… Something about it alright. Not something positive obviously but he can’t really pin the exact emotion. Somber? Perhaps.

Vinzent Mayer (It’s not. It’s awful. But he can take his distance from her now, and just talk to both Abel and Matsu as he pleases… So as long as Viper isn’t around. Their connections to her shouldn’t mean anything to Vinzent in the end. The four of them are their own persons in the end, so…)

While it’ll certainly be… Complicated at points, the wonderful part of the risk involved in this game is that any one of them could simply no longer be part of this square at any moment. Maybe Abel will be dead in an hour and this strife won’t matter. Maybe Viper or Vinzent could be gone and this situation will no longer be as pressing.

But as it stands Abel can only guarantee his willingness to try. All he can hope is that he’ll try his best until his last breath.

“I’ll keep her away, so don’t worry about that.” It’s not like he wasn’t noticing the tension when they all stood around Jack’s unconscious body. He can only imagine it’s worse now. If they must all gather again- he can just… Keep them apart. Act as a shield. What a mighty precarious situation he’s found himself in.

For now he can just. Hope for the best.

“… Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?” Best to offer. To let him get what he needs out.

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus Vinzent could definitely carefully pull something more clear from Abel. That he simply doesn’t feel ready to try and unpack romance considering his own self worth issues and how highlighted his issues have been. How highlighted his mother’s issues had been. The L word unnerves him at the best of times but platonic I love yous are easy enough to ignore.

Romantic ones start a panic. A feeling that he’s expected to know and understand so much at the drop of a hat.

He feels like in his state- even if he did know for sure what he felt- he couldn’t be the sort of person anyone deserves to tie themselves to in that manner. What if he’s terrible? Only does more harm? He’d just rather put it on pause.

So friendship is what he’s got to offer. Until he can make it through all of that.

That’s kind of the problem here, Vinzent doesn’t know how. But he’ll try. Platonically, he could say that. But. The fact of the matter is the word ‘love’… Is a little too associated with his old feelings, his old concept that… It’s rough to make a distinction. It’s not that he hasn’t said ‘I love you’ in a platonic way before. Just less frequently. And physical affection was more of his thing.

The I love you was… Reserved for more intimacy, passion even. … He wants to kick his dumb feelings away in a box. Could he say ‘I love you’ platonically someday? Who knows. For now.

For now, he’ll take what Abel offers him, no hesitation. He can let go of his own feelings a bit. For Abel’s sake.

Abel Lazarus Abel feels… Something about it alright. Not something positive obviously but he can’t really pin the exact emotion. Somber? Perhaps.

There’s a near point where Vinzent could spiral down in his self deprecation spiel again. But would it help? No, absolutely not. It just so happen that it has changed because of everything here. So, he holds back, he pushes away his negative thoughts, as much as he can help.

Abel Lazarus “I’ll keep her away, so don’t worry about that.” It’s not like he wasn’t noticing the tension when they all stood around Jack’s unconscious body. He can only imagine it’s worse now. If they must all gather again- he can just… Keep them apart. Act as a shield. What a mighty precarious situation he’s found himself in.

For now he can just. Hope for the best.

“… Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?” Best to offer. To let him get what he needs out.

“Okay… Thanks.” For his own good and her’s.

Anything else…?

…

“I… Am just glad that the only book I found relating to myself… Was about my elementary school art teacher. A kind man. I don’t know, that was the first thought that crossed my mind. I could have looked for my grandparents… But we weren’t super, super close. I kinda forgot about them.”

Isn’t it kind of funny how… Relieved he is that his bully is alive? And not here tormenting him? This would have driven him even more mad.

~~…. On the other hand, after this car, Vinzent lowkey hoped Paul eats shit one way or another. Stop existing in his mind!~~

Anyway.

“But uh… Yeah, my teacher was that one who believed in me to continue doing what I love. And the reason I keep drawing today, that I have the job of my dreams. Even if… Some shit happened in between, like after elementary school…”

A small smile.

“When I remember my teacher, I just remember how much he’s been encouraging me to reach for my dreams. To let my creativity grow. … I don’t wanna lose that. … Um, I know I drew you before in… A, uh. Different context. But would it bother you if I drew you sometimes again even just for fun? If it does, I’ll stop. I just… I just am itching to draw something, but I dunno what. It’s been… Rough to not have inspiration.”

… Or maybe it’s because he wants to have something concrete to remember Abel by, should… Anything happen. (He shouldn’t think of the worst. But thinking that Abel isn’t at danger of dying at any time would be the biggest lie Vinzent would tell to himself ever.)

Maybe a little drawing with a thank you note for the friendship would suffice. For now, he’ll wait if Abel agrees to it. If not… Vinzent will understand.

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer The I love you was… Reserved for more intimacy, passion even. … He wants to kick his dumb feelings away in a box. Could he say ‘I love you’ platonically someday? Who knows. For now.

Oh don’t worry- He’d also be more than content to get a break from hearing it. He’s used to brushing Viper’s off because……… Well it’s not like it ever could be romantic- but he did read something in Ramona’s book that is even testing his ability to brush platonic I love yous off for a little.

Vinzent Mayer But would it bother you if I drew you sometimes again even just for fun? If it does, I’ll stop. I just… I just am itching to draw something, but I dunno what. It’s been… Rough to not have inspiration.”

He looks surprised- but should he really be? He has those other drawings still.

Though it’s definitely a lot more surprise that anyone finds him worth drawing. Certainly he could get other family members- it’s not like getting yourself painted is all that new of a concept to him- but still. In terms of people he knows that would be worth trying to draw without a pay off- he’s not exactly going to list himself anywhere near the top 100.

Ironically, he could see people drawing his grandfather or uncle. As they have interesting and unique appearances and he has seen them be drawn many times. Somehow, though, it escapes him to realize that if someone finds Marius appealing enough to draw- perhaps they would also find his appearance drawable. But you know! Why think that hard about his insecurities?

“I don’t mind.”

How novel.

“I’m glad your book was good.” It’s strange to him to imagine little awareness of your grandparents- but after a moment he realizes the same is true about his father’s parents. He knows… More about his mother, Tsubasa’s name sake- but he really only knows his father is incarcerated- or at least was last he knew of him. In fact- perhaps he wouldn’t have even known much about Solanus in the right circumstances- and most of what he knew of Luanne was… Untrue. So maybe it really… Isn’t that strange. Perhaps his cousins are stranger for their grandparents being alive and around.

“You… Could still look for them if you’d like to- but I get it if you’d rather leave it where it is. I’m glad you didn’t need to meet anyone… Less than ideal.” He can’t say he wishes his situation onto anyone else really- but truthfully he also can’t grasp the concept of “good dead people” much. It’s sort of just not something he’s thinking that hard about. “Getting to just draw for the rest of this car might be easier, though.”

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus Oh don’t worry- He’d also be more than content to get a break from hearing it. He’s used to brushing Viper’s off because……… Well it’s not like it ever could be romantic- but he did read something in Ramona’s book that is even testing his ability to brush platonic I love yous off for a little.

Oh boy…

Abel Lazarus He looks surprised- but should he really be? He has those other drawings still.

Vinzent was a little sheepish, was it overboard again?-

Abel Lazarus “I don’t mind.”

How novel.

Oh. That’s… A relief. A small smile was on Vinzent’s face.

“I’m glad to hear it, then. Then, would now… Be a good time for me to draw you while we chat? Or would you rather it be later…?” At least, the offer was there. For Abel to take or not.

Abel Lazarus “I’m glad your book was good.”

Vinzent nods at this with a smile. Despite the gloomy energy of this car… He… Was lucky enough that everyone he was relatively close to who died… Wasn’t awful. But he knows very well that not many has that luxury like him. And in exchange for this car relatively sparing him… Well… There’s the answer right there. Back in his mind. Eating him.

Abel Lazarus “You… Could still look for them if you’d like to- but I get it if you’d rather leave it where it is. I’m glad you didn’t need to meet anyone… Less than ideal.” He can’t say he wishes his situation onto anyone else really- but truthfully he also can’t grasp the concept of “good dead people” much. It’s sort of just not something he’s thinking that hard about. “Getting to just draw for the rest of this car might be easier, though.”

“I could, you’re right… But… I don’t know what else to say other than I think about them, that I did love them. The… Same old stuff, for me, anyway. It’s… My family was nothing extraordinary or particular. But I did care about my grandparents. We just didn’t see each other a lot, and my memories as a kid are fuzzy at best. But uh… Yeah. At least, I didn’t need to do that.”

At the drawing mention, Vinzent nodded with a smile.

“… I agree. Give me a heads-up if you’d rather do something else later, I won’t hold you back. But if you wanna stay while I draw you for the rest of the time… I really wouldn’t mind. You’re still free to change your mind and take a break anytime. Just let me know, okay?”

He doesn’t ask for anything particular in return, just… Abel’s presence alone is enough. It reassures him. He takes out his notebook and his pencils (that he was allowed to take from the daycare car, while they’re not of the highest quality, that’d do. He’ll adapt).

… He starts by observing Abel’s face and slowly let his left hand be on the paper. It’s clear that despite the little break at times from art due to things happening in the car, it didn’t stop him from being able to observe his friend and draw without looking down at the sheet many, many times. But he’ll stop anytime Abel will ask him to.

Abel Lazarus

Vinzent Mayer Then, would now… Be a good time for me to draw you while we chat? Or would you rather it be later…?” At least, the offer was there. For Abel to take or not.

He nods. He will need to go attend to Viper later definitely- considering how actively in crisis she is- but he can stay for a little while.

Vinzent Mayer “… I agree. Give me a heads-up if you’d rather do something else later, I won’t hold you back. But if you wanna stay while I draw you for the rest of the time… I really wouldn’t mind. You’re still free to change your mind and take a break anytime. Just let me know, okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll… Need to drop the books I’ve collected off before we leave so I’ll have to go off to do that-” He opens his satchel and looks at the large number of them he’s collected in there, trying to gauge how long he thinks he’ll need to reshelf them. It’ll take a minute… but that’s… really a problem for later. Perhaps he shouldn’t have collected these.

Doesn’t really matter though. he got what he needed out of them. He shuts his bag again.

He’s free for now.

“… In a bit.”

Vinzent Mayer He starts by observing Abel’s face and slowly let his left hand be on the paper. It’s clear that despite the little break at times from art due to things happening in the car, it didn’t stop him from being able to observe his friend and draw without looking down at the sheet many, many times. But he’ll stop anytime Abel will ask him to.

Abel as always gets a little nervous about it- but he sits mostly still to let Vinzent do what he needs to. He can just hope… They move on soon. And this car will be gone and things will get better.

Hopefully.

Vinzent Mayer

Abel Lazarus He nods. He will need to go attend to Viper later definitely- considering how actively in crisis she is- but he can stay for a little while.

Vinzent… Well… He does feel a bit bad for Viper on one part, especially since it was his fault this time, but the pile of frustrations he had with her… Well… Hard to really say what he wanted to think. For now. Time to… Put it aside for a few moments.

Abel Lazarus “Yeah. I’ll… Need to drop the books I’ve collected off before we leave so I’ll have to go off to do that-” He opens his satchel and looks at the large number of them he’s collected in there, trying to gauge how long he thinks he’ll need to reshelf them. It’ll take a minute… but that’s… really a problem for later. Perhaps he shouldn’t have collected these.

Vinzent noticed the many books and nods. There’s so much…

Abel Lazarus “… In a bit.”

“Alright..!”

Abel Lazarus Abel as always gets a little nervous about it- but he sits mostly still to let Vinzent do what he needs to. He can just hope… They move on soon. And this car will be gone and things will get better.

Hopefully.

Vinzent too hopes this car will wrap up soon, he’s tired of this gloomy place. But as he continues drawing and changing his pencils colors… The portrait came together beautifully soon enough…

Whatmore, once Vinzent has finished drawing the portrait, he wrote one more thing on the corner of the paper before handing it to Abel with a soft smile.

Thank you so much for being my friend. And for staying by my side, no matter what.

-Vinzent

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