Abel Lazarus “Tell me, Darlin’ which of my daughter’s is your mama?
Before Viper can burry herself- he answers. “… Ramona.”
And then.
Viper “Psssht. Abel knows me so well, he knows I was only kidding around. He’s like, nowhere near so, like, insecure that he’d be upset by it.” Viper waves her hand, “…But sorry, Mrs. Lazarus. It was only a joke, I’m like, a comedian in my free time. Jus’ got a bit of a niche audience.”
Abel is exploding Viper with his eyes. There’s a murder in the shelves for 47 years ago. Maybe no one will walk back enough to find it.
Luanne herself- also looks pretty unimpressed with this new lie.
“… Sweetheart.” She looks at Abel. “Are you bein’ forced to marry her? Is it the money? I don’ know who’s in charge now- if Solanus got his boy like he wanted or if it’s Lucius or somethin’ but please tell me you’re going to marry this girl for love.” She looks pretty serious and Abel gets even more evasive in response.
“Uh- well.” He looks at his feet.
Viper “I know ’bout what marriage means ta ya folks. I would never stray from Abel, he’s my only love, my one an’ only.” She says it with such ease that it must be true, right? “I’m sorry for givin’ you a hard time, Mrs Lazarus, I’m workin’ on new material all th’ time, ya see? An’ sometimes I get a bit carried away. I hope ya can forgive me an’ give us ya blessin’.”
“… It has to be love if you’re marrying a bad comedian, right darlin’? Please tell me they haven’ put you in such bad standin’ with the family that they think this is all marryin’ you is worth, right?”
Abel is going to end up having to ruin your joke, Viper, Luanne clearly isn’t enjoying it.
“I-I like Viper- yeah.” He looks around to make sure no one can hear him say this- not out of embarrassment in admitting as much publicly but more because he’d rather Ramona and Solanus not join this.
“Like isn’t worth marryin’ for.” She gives him a look then gives Viper an even more disapproving look. “You better not be marryin’ someone you don’t love, Abel-” She points at Viper, “And You. Viper, was it? You better not be some writhin’ little snake wormin’ your way in just for the money. Marriage is Serious Business for us and I will not have you makin’ some kinda mockery outta my grandson.” She crosses her arms and gives Viper a look that tells her that if she were alive Viper would Definitely be in some kind of danger.
“Now I’ll be honest. I’m not sure I can give you my blessin’ if you can’t be serious about him.”
Behind her Abel puts his head in his hands in shame.
“Now- my grandbaby is deservin’ Better than havin’ some public scandal. What are you plannin’? Leavin’ him at the altar? Running off with his money? Cheatin’ on him? Forgive me for my less than charitable assumptions but you’re not paintin’ a pretty picture of yourself.”
“Viper.” Abel whines at her. “please Stop.”
Or dig yourself further! Works for my amusement but not as much for Abel’s.
