((TW: Violence/Abuse, Neglect, Attempted Murder, Religious Trauma, Addiction please be mindful of these as you read on! They’ll likely be referenced through the thread.))
Abel decided he should get the tape over with. He has to watch the damn thing to even get through this place and he might as well. It was strange enough there were two of them- even if one was obviously damaged with Just Lazarus on it- so perhaps it isn’t even His. The other was Clearly his though. Abel Lazarus was written neatly on it and it was brand new. No mistaking that one.
He made his way to a far off tree- hoping it means he’d notice if someone was snooping. Unfortunately it seems he didn’t realize how hard focusing on anything other than the tape would be.
It’s long. Not just one memory. No. He’d never get off so easy would he? It isn’t even any moment he’d cherish.
It starts with him as a toddler. Unfortunately Abel remembers a great many things far too well- especially the bad. As a toddler he watches as his grandfather violently strikes his mother because Cain was wailing and she couldn’t stop him from crying fast enough. Benedict soothed young Cain but Abel watched frozen.
Soon enough it’s another violent memory. His mother with her hands wrapped around his uncles neck. Neither seemed aware Abel watched- but he did. He ran for Ransom and watched as Ransom ripped his mother off of Marius. Watched as Marius cowered away from her. Listened to her hurl obscenities at him. Listened to Marius raggedly attempt to catch his breath while Ransom shoved her out of the room.
Then he was five. Watching his grandfather’s body getting carried out of the house in a black body bag.
Then he watched himself try to get his mothers attention. She had a drink in her hand- and she talked lovingly to his brothers- but when she finally couldn’t ignore Abel she turned to him with a nasty expression and shoved him away. Cain noticed and moved to help but Ramona picked him up and carried him off- Benedict didn’t even try. It almost seemed like he was disappointed in Abel for Bothering their mother. He followed after her too.
Next he sees his mother again. Her skin yellow with jaundice. She was clearly nearing the end of her life- but even then. Even then she only bothered with Cain. She doted on him. She ignored Abel in rooms. Scene after scene of her walking past him- whether he tried for her attention or not. Moments of her noticing him only to give a look that read of hatred and violent intent. The way she looked at Marius when she tried to kill him. Yet she never touched him beyond maybe pushing him away.
And then she’s dead. Abel is nine and he seems to just be doing what he needed to to get through the funeral.
It’s followed with him packing. Leaving the only home he’d ever known to live with his father. He keeps looking towards his uncle. Like he wants him to insist ‘no. Abel stays.’ But he doesn’t. He doesn’t.
The next moment he’s thirteen. Gangly and awkward and angry. He punches a wall- putting a hole in it. He looks surprised after. Unsure. Like he didn’t know he had that in him. He lies that it wasn’t him and Cain tries to take the blame but Edgar and Aiwa know. They know it wasn’t sweet Cain. Abel wants to scream.
There’s many more moments of anger. Of hitting things- throwing things- but it stops on a particular moment. Fifteen year old Abel is attempting to cut something in the kitchen and Cain won’t stop bothering him and he gets mad. He swings around. He cuts Cain. Cain Looks terrified and Abel runs. He runs and ends up sobbing like a coward in a playhouse.
After that he stops the tape. What more can he watch? What more is there? There’s something deeply wrong with him and he knows that. He knows it so well. He just puts his head in his hands- paralleling the caught moment on screen. He’s terrible. He’s a terrible person. He’s awful.
He is a demon of some sort. He must be. It’s all he can do to hold desperately to his cross and pray. Because maybe. Maybe if he does that- he’ll get better. Maybe God wouldn’t turn his back on him anymore. Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe.
