God Does Not Care If You Are Guilty Or Not | Abel + Viper | Desert Island Car

Abel Lazarus

Viper “Can I hold you?”

… He nods. Yeah. He does want to be held.

He’s. going to go right back to minimizing his trauma, though. Especially this particular trauma.

“I-”

Viper “Hit me. If you want.”

“No- No.” He can’t hit her. He can’t fight her right now- this is different. It feels different. It feels like he’d be so evil to do that right now- right after watching this-

Especially because.

Well.

“There’s. Nothing to really make peace with. It only happened once. As far as that goes for Lazarus’s that’s pretty lucky. My grandfather died before he could think I was old enough for that sort of punishment and my mother seemed to pride herself on the fact she didn’t lay a hand on us.” Even if the reality of the situation is that the moment Abel stopped being her ‘baby’ her tune would have changed pretty quickly.

“Besides. I. I gave him permission. I deserved to be punished for what I did to Cain.”

He deserved to be punished for being sinful. That’s how that works. “Most family members have been flogged more than that. Really- he went easy on me. He had his pick of biblical punishments.”

Spare the rod spoil the child or something like that. It’s mostly an old generation ideal but it’s still in the family.

Viper

Abel’s request to be held was accepted immediately, Viper wraps her arms around his middle, pulling him in, and smoothing his back as she held him close. She can’t help but feel bad for offering to let him hit her- judging by his reaction, anyway.

“Sorry-” She mumbles quickly, she puts her face against him, and focuses instead on smoothing him as if she were trying to smoothe wrinkles from his suit jacket. His family- it sounded so awful. Viper was tempted to express that, but truthfully she doesn’t think she could express her distaste in a constructive way… and yet-

Abel Lazarus “Besides. I. I gave him permission. I deserved to be punished for what I did to Cain.”

“…But it was an accident! Yeah, accidents can have… consequences, but you shouldn’t have felt like you needed to be punished for it… you were young, and stupid, we’re all young and stupid sometimes…” She knew her fair share of being young and stupid.

Abel Lazarus “Most family members have been flogged more than that. Really- he went easy on me. He had his pick of biblical punishments.”

The idea horrifies her. To someone who grew up in a home full of love and happiness, the idea is abhorrent. It makes her feel sick to the stomach. Viper is squeezing him tighter, burying her face in his chest, holding him like she never wants to let go.

“…Don’t let them ever do that to you again. I don’t care if it’s been years, that’s f-cked up. I… like, I don’t…” She fumbles over her last words, and whines a little in her frustration, “…It, like, makes me so mad! When people just treat kids like that!”

Abel Lazarus

He holds onto Viper pretty tightly. It’s comforting. He does feel bad for making her feel bad but he’s. Not really able to articulate anything about it at the moment. You’re right Viper. His family is awful. Very few of them have Actually broken any sort of cycle. Many are prone to continuing it in their desperate attempts to break it.

“Even if it was an accident, Wrath is a sin.” Way to get him talking about religion. Oopsies.

“He… Was so scared of me afterwards…” Hence him asking Viper earlier if she was scared of him. “I just. I don’t know. He’s forgiven me but he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t have.”

Because what’s stopping him from doing it again? From getting angry and hurting people he loves?

What does he do if he hurts Viper or his uncle? Where does he go then?

“… I won’t let him.” He rubs her back in return. To comfort her. “It’s okay, really. I promise.” He moves his hand up and strokes her hair instead. Maybe that is better? “Really.”

He can’t understand the idea of growing up in a home full of love and happiness. It’s so completely foreign I don’t think he even realizes it’s possible. Certainly people love each other or whatever- but. How could things just never go wrong?

Viper

Abel Lazarus “Even if it was an accident, Wrath is a sin.”

“It really ain’t that black and white! Sin doesn’t gotta be punished in like, barbarian ways…” Viper is appalled. Appalled that so few break the cycle. Perhaps its because she isn’t religious. She doesn’t understand why people would so vehemently believe that they should harm their child and bestow divine retribution upon them. Maybe she just doesn’t get it.

“Abel, he’s forgiven you… that should be enough. Sometimes, we all hurt people we love accidentally.” Viper thinks of her parents, “Ya deserved the forgiveness.” He was such a stubborn fool… but she knew it was his trauma talking for him. After all, she was the same. Convinced she deserved her own trauma.

The hand smoothing her hair- poofy and more unkempt than usual, has her leaning into his hand like a cat. Viper doesn’t remember the last time someone petted her hair… it was nice.

“Good.” A promise. A promise to be step one in breaking the control it had over him, perhaps? “I think… ya deserve to heal, instead of, like, being subject to that again…” Her hands haven’t stopped smoothing his back, and she wishes she could reach his head better.

To get so close to someone in such a short time was strange, but with the threat of death looming constantly over their heads… Viper had to let her walls down a touch. Just a little…

Abel Lazarus

All it really takes to force your way into Abel’s walls is get the parts he’s hesitant to share out- that’s never really been done before.

He’s… Well. He usually scares people off with his anger and rudeness before they can even Try to realize. If he hadn’t been injured here… He likely would have ruined all of this a long time ago.

~~But now they have a wedding to plan instead.~~ But instead he’s finally gotten his first friend that he’d Actually call his friend.

“… I…” He bows his head slightly as he tries to figure his words out. “I can. Only promise I’ll try.” Don’t hate him if he fails is the unspoken part.

He’s done therapy before- but every other time he really… didn’t try. Just convinced the therapist he was fine until people would let him stop going. Even… Even after the incident with Cain. He was so convinced he just couldn’t ever Deserve to be forgiven. To get better. If Cain wasn’t so insistent he probably would have stopped talking to him when he moved back in with Marius.

To punish himself.

A lot comes back to that idea, huh? The idea he deserves punishment for merely existing? His mother called him her personal hell enough times for him to believe his very birth was a punishment. His very nature.

But didn’t Marius in that letter say he thinks Abel was meant as a gift for himself? That he wasn’t Ramona’s punishment- but instead put here to bless Marius?

He runs his fingers though Viper’s hair again. “… If it helps- I don’t talk to… Uncle Lucius at family events.” The first mention of the name of the person on the tape. “He… kind of sucks.”

Viper

If there’s one thing Viper is, it’s stubborn. Stubbornness drives her to push through, to break down people’s walls, and she remembers all too well how she had to do the same for her roommate. Viper enjoys collecting her band of traumatised friends who she can dote on, and Abel is no different… even if they’re friendancés now.

“That’s all I can ask.” She can’t force his hand after all, his success can only be as good as he makes it. “I ain’t gonna force ya, but…” She lightly bops him, just a very light hit.

“I’m sure ya know how stubborn I am by now. But as long as ya try… that’s what matters more.” At the mention of the man on the tape, she’s making a mental note of guy to f-cking hate with big bold red circles around it. Yeah, if she ever met the guy? It’s on sight.

“Yeah, sounds like a d-ck. I hope I never even get to see him, like, ever, ’cause I’ll bite his ankles or somethin’” It’s hard to tell from the tape if he follows Abel’s height trend but if he does, ankle biter time. “Did… you wanna get rid of the other tape too, BTW?”

Abel Lazarus

Lucius is tall. Taller than Abel in fact. 6′6. This family tends to run tall- Especially on his branch of the tree. Lucius’s grandson Ezra is 6′11 in fact.

But anyway-

“I’ll… Go back to therapy. Not really sure how to explain all of… this to a therapist but.” He kind of puts his face in her hair. It’s pretty easy to do with their height difference. “I… Don’t want to get rid of that one. I’m just going to put it back.” It’s not like he’s going to rewind the tape- so maybe the fact it’s already over will deter any future visitors from watching the tape.

He finally pulls away. Things are okay. For now at least.

“I’m okay, Viper.” He does his thin lipped white man smile again. “There’s happy memories too.”

Viper

Good thing for Abel, Viper has a lot of hair he can bury his face in! So much that he could probably entirely submerge it, even! She hums in approval, leaning up, her face almost against his shoulder, as she revels in the contact. Two affection-starved people just Coping…

“…Good. It’ll help. Even if you don’t find the right therapist right away… it’ll be worth it. In the end.” Viper is content, and as Abel pulls away, she copies. But she’s ready to jump and hug him if he needs it at a moments’ notice.

“I’m glad.” She nods, “Glad there’s some positive among the bad.” There’s a brief pause, and she thinks… and thinks… she had her own tape to go through. Despite knowing its contents full-well. She… knew she might not be able to stomach it.

“….Hey, Abel… do you want to come watch my tape with me?” Wow what a nice transition into them watching her tape with Dexter!

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